Hot Peach Cobbler

That was me a long time ago. When I was almost 400 pounds and worth $11 million dollars.

Today I am 175 pounds and dead broke.

Poundage is a reflection of your value as a human being.

Girth is the equivalent of excess and excess is the most valuable thing a man has in his repertoire. Size does matter but it’s not just penile, it’s how rotund your stomach is. The proof is Orson Wells, Marlon Brando. William Taft and a bevy of other fat success stories. Don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of fat scumbags out there that deserve a painful disease inflicted on them. But that is not what this blog is about.

My current thinness is the indication of my recent failures and I’ve decided to regain the power and fame of my tainted past by eating everything in sight.

In spite of what science says, obesity is the most valuable characteristic you can have. Think of all the skinny people who died while running marathons. Fatso’s like Elvis and Mama Cass floated off quietly on their own toilet bowls and beds. I would much rather die in bed than on some hot piece of asphalt in tight running shorts.

Don’t fight fat. Give into your excesses. Order double portions and that hot peach cobbler and you will be a surrounded by your own fortress of flesh. Skinniness is a reflection of failure. Obesity indicates power. Look no further than George W. Bush, our fittest president.