Al Goldstein to Bush: Don't Point That At Me!

This morning I am reading in the newspapers about a landscape of devastation, destruction and ruins. The promise of human grandeur beaten into dust, rather than the human condition at it most polished and resplendent with glory. Unfortunately, I am not referring to Katrina, tsunamis or the "Alpha" hurricane, but rather the political hydrogen bomb of the last manifestation of the actions and policies of one of the most inept presidents in the history of the United States: Our 43d president, George Bush.

I ultimately blame the American people for electing this idiot the first time and thinking, "how bad can one guy screw things up?" -- and then reelecting him after witnessing the impending train wreck he set in motion with his infatuation with exacting revenge on Saddam Hussein for his failed attempt on his father's life in '93. Bush's background guaranteed his poor judgment as president: DUI convictions, alcoholism, drug abuse and sophomoric acting out, a disdain for the intellect, books and thinking, a love of beer and boisterous antics plus an inability to succeed in business or demonstrate the signs of maturity. He, in his youth, gave every indication that he would be just one more glad-handing scion of an influential family. To give an example of another recent president who gave us every indication that he would be a philanderer in office once elected, Bill Clinton had several "bimbo eruptions" prior to assuming the presidency and yet everyone was shocked to learn that he popped a load on Monica's dress in the oval office? But only sperm died when Clinton lied; when Bush lied, however, millions of people around the world were negatively affected and, at the very least, the lives of 2000 US servicemen are gone forever -- vanished, vaporized, caput, finished -- never to return to their families and loved ones all because Bush got emotional about a failed assassination attempt on his father by the Hussein regime in 1993 when Poppy was visiting Kuwait.

Men are apt to do stupid things to win the approval of their fathers. Clinton not having a living natural father (and an interest in rebelling against his abusive alcoholic stepfather) was quite a blessing for our country. If Bush had come before the American public and said, "Hey, this guy Hussein is a scumbag. He routinely tortures his own people, he's gassed thousands of his countrymen, his sons rape and deflower teenage girls daily and to add insult to injury he tried to kill my father so, let's get this guy and do a little nation-building," I would have laughed at him but would have supported some multilateral method to effect regime change without involving de facto military intervention. But he didn't. We as voters should be ashamed of ourselves. It's as if we gave a DUI convict the keys to the nation and said, "Take 'er for a spin!" And now we're all shocked to see our own countrymen dead in the wake of his little joyride to familial redemption.

And shocker of all shockers, Bush apparently is back on the sauce. Say what you will about the National Enquirer, but they usually get their facts straight (remember, the Gary Hart/Donna Rice story was broken by the Enquirer). This wouldn't be a problem if Bush knew how to drink -- but he doesn't. He binges and hard! It's as if through all his bad judgment Bush has popped a load on the American people and now (sniff!) we all have to take our pretty blue dresses to the cleaners and change jobs. We, the voters, are to blame. We allowed this guy to spooge all over us. I, Al Goldstein, would like for Bush to point his puny little pencil dick in a different direction, thank you very much. And pay my goddam drycleaning bill!!!!