Number Six: Getting Screwed Never Felt So Good!

Can I be bribed to give a porno film a favorable review? Yes!!!!!!! Actually, it would be hard for me not to select the next film for my top 10 list: "Ron Jeremy and Al Goldstein Are Screwed." In the movie, I get some 20-year-old pussy to lick and then receive a magnificent blow job and shoot a load of sperm in one of the pussy's hungry mouths -- that's bribery enough. But wait, it gets better: Two nubile pussies sitting on my face and spreading their thighs for my edification and my cock spouting its juices into vacuum cleaner like mouths -- a great incentive to rave and rejoice at the fuck film shot in my three million dollar mansion in Pompano Beach, Florida, two years ago when I was a vibrant and young stud of 67. Clearly, I was the poster boy for Viagra and The Association Of Retired People. In fact, I was nominated by last year's AVN as "best supporting actor." I should have won and not come in second place but their leader, Paul Fishbein, was jealous that I have a bigger dick and am a better lover than he is. But, then again, he is from Philadelphia and I from the city of champions -- Brooklyn.

Not only was the reality of my authentic and superior flesh antics a reason to pick this film as one of the last 35 years' "Top Ten," but the film's director and hairy horror, Ron Jeremy, paid me $500 for the pussy eating and threw in a bonus $1000 if I ejaculated on camera. For a Jewish guy, this is like getting extra matzo balls in my chicken soup from The Second Ave Deli. I earned $1500 total and shot some dick juice (sperm) and made the kind of cinema treat Hefner, Flynt and Fishbein are too timid to make themselves. Rent it, buy it, jerk off to it, be envious of me but get your hands on "Al Goldstein & Ron Jeremy Are Screwed" from Metro.