The Worst of the Worst

I have a button that I used to hand out to friends. It said politicians give prostitutes a bad name. The word politician is a synonym for opportunist and whore. Today’s politicians are actually lobbyists to-be. They have unending ambition and seek the power of political office, not the desire to make the country a better place. Not only is power an aphrodisiac but it enlarges their cocks from four to nine inches and they become superheroes and he-men.

These fabricators of truth know that whatever they hold is a turn-on to the women they want to fuck and eat. If men are turned on by round asses, beautiful tits and thin ankles, then women become passionate over the size of a man’s wallet and power. That’s why we have groupies. Women’s pussies become moist with the anticipation of carnal bliss as they think about the lecturer at his podium, their boss and men with Rolexes. Looks mean nothing to these creatures. How else can we explain a trout-lipped Donald Trump getting laid by models all the time? Could it be his bank account? Aristotle Onassis was a physical pygmy yet, because of his wealth, he attained the ultimate piece of ass - the president’s wife Jackie Kennedy. Women may lust for Tom Cruise but reality outdistances good looks if you have big bucks.

I know this is a fact because while I was the publisher of Screw and had four homes and $11 million dollars, I got laid four to five times a day. Screw went bankrupt four years ago and I haven’t had a date or gotten laid since. My fifth wife, Christine, only stayed with me to steal whatever I had left and Penn Jillette’s money.

As I watched the last republican debate I realized they were all cocks in search of a hairy hole. I am usually ahead of my time and every week I attacked Rudy Giuliani while I was publisher of Screw. He was hated by New Yorkers for closing porno shops and turning NYC into a miniature Gestapo state. After September 11 he started to get good press. So, it gave me the greatest pleasure last week when the past caught up with him as he tried to lie his way through using taxpayer money to shuttle him to and from the Hamptons to cheat on his wife.

How could it be otherwise? He came from a mafia family and his father served time for a sticking up a bank. The fact that he hired a Bernard Kerik, who was a complete crook and adultery, comes as no surprise. Thieves of a feather flock together and these birds were not eagles, but vultures.

PS - As bad as Giuliani is, he is not as low as that fat cripple Bill Lustig, who in my mind is lower than whale shit.