The Big D

In my travels all over the world, last week I went to Texas for the first time to publicize my autobiography ‘I, Goldstein’. The greatest topless club in the world called The Lodge picked up the tab and I have never been treated so well by its owners.

Seeing the book depository in Dealy Plaza was the most thrilling part of the trip and looking out the window where Oswald shot JFK. I always felt JFK deserved it because he was fucking every girl he could and was involved with the mafia. The mafia got him elected by fixing ballots in Chicago and his brother was a piece of shit.

Dallas is a great town and I would love to work here. Good news is I was offered a job in a bordello in Nevada and I may take it but not sure if the guy is serious. A sex tabloid printed in Dallas also had a feature article about Linnea Quiqley who was the best woman I have ever know, aside from my second wife Mary. This was an added treat.

One thing that stuck me while hanging out at The Lodge at night was the general lack of connection at topless clubs. These are some of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. But I am as unconnected to them as I am in a garage with a Bentley or Rolls Royce that is not mine and cannot drive. The girls are so wonderfully programmed. They way they hug and smile is perfect. Every guy puts a dollar in the girls g-string. Men are predictable and can be played like an accordion and the women are great actresses. The guys get stroked and feel special and the woman makes money, which she probably gives to her longhaired hippie boyfriend. I am bored out of my mind but the food is wonderful.