The Perfect Drug

I am a camel walking the warm sands of the desert in search of nourishment. I am not hunting water but the magnificent aroma, warmth and wondering of pussy. As publisher of Screw for 37 years I chomped on different vaginas many times a day. Pussy is as diverse and distinctive as the varieties of wine. Bordeaux, a Sauterne or the repugnance and sugary sweetness of Manishevitz. That wine alone, by the way, is enough to disprove the theory that Jews are the chosen ones. Did the grapes grow on the sunny side of the mountain or in the valleys? We have to ask the same of the pussies we have known and loved. Their very birth imprints on them a taste and a bonanza of flavors.

Now that Screw for me is but a memory of when I had power and money, the absence of the vapor of vagina is nothing more than a faded memory.

When I was six years old I loved the smell of gasoline. I had this fantasy that I could mainline high octane 93 into my veins. Now that gasoline is so very expensive I dream instead of crack.

My addictions to those nostalgic smells are so pervasive and repetitive that I have signed up for a 12 step program to help me let go of the neurotic and habit forming attraction of these tidbits of flesh and morsels of munching. From the first time I ate pussy when I was 16, I found it the elixir of youth. It coats my teeth enamel and protects me from the germs that surround our universe.

My ultimate fear is one day we will find out that pussy juice cures all diseases. Prostate cancer, the common cold and all the sufferings that the human body must undergo. Pussy could be the penicillin of good health. It is the herb and medicine that keeps on giving. In the last 15 months as I have not has the pleasure of licking labia, tasting taint or blowing on boobs I have found that I have not only aged but my diabetes has worsened.

As I pass my 71st birthday, these are the medicines I take: 850mg of Metaformin twice a day, 100mg of Cozaar twice a day, 150 mg of Ranadine twice a day, 300mg of Lithium three times a day, 40mg of Prozac twice a day, 10mg of Valium twice a day, 25mg of Lamictal daily, and Ambien at night. If I can just find a companion with a vagina for me to explore I would give up my medications faster than you can say cunnilingus.