Sex in the 70's

On my next birthday I will be 72, the age most people are dead and rotting in a cemetery. It’s the age most bodies end up as food for the worms and maggots of the earth. In spite of this, a recent survey last week about senior sex gloated about the frequency of senior citizens pursuit of other senior citizens for sexual intercourse. It said one-third of the men who are more than 75 still have sex. Of men who are 65-75, one-half had sex. Men under 65 had as little sex as a Martian on a meteor hurdling towards earth. The survey did not include those men who lied about their sexual encounters.

I have been lying about sexual frequency since I was 18. The biggest exaggerators are men in their twenties and thirties. The reason they are prone to such mendacity is that that age group has high expectations and their peer group lies as much as they do. Their friends are lying as much or more as they are and that is because they want to appear virile, masculine and powerful.

The findings about our senior citizens are confusing because most of us cannot conceive of our parents eating each other out and fucking each other in the ass. The exaggeration lubricates the tracks of that much traveled journey to the fulfillment of our libido and makes us feel spinach eating Popeye/Don Juans. The surprise with our seniors is that they should simply be quiet and join the AARP while dreaming about how they survived World War II. These new studies point out that rather than being incarnations of Rip Van Winkle and cane-wielding lumps of wrinkled flesh who only think of the twenty medicines they take and how their once-sexual cock is now only used to piss on themselves, they actually do have sex.

At 72 I am proud of the fact that being schizophrenic, bipolar and on 12 medicines, I jerk-off every other day and think back to the thousands of women I banged when I published Screw. Seniors are in a race to have one more sexual encounter before they die of pancreatic cancer.

In a recent interview, Dr. Ruth said these altercockers still have sex because they are not working and have more time and have less competition than when they were younger. Most of their contemporaries have died and the really old, saggy-titted women left have a small pool of men to fill their dry holes. Since my blogs are mostly read by pathetic old men who think about sex all the time but rarely have it, I want to be clear. I am looking for a woman under 150 pounds and more than 60 pound, who would want a 72 year old bearded Jew whose cock still works and is the greatest pussy eater in the galaxy. Email me at alvingoldstein@gmail.com if you or know someone who wants some.