A Porn King Gets Screwed -- Part III

Below is the third and final installment of the Razor Magzazine article about my fall from grace and return to the adult industry. Josh Alan Friedman, who wrote the article, used to be the editor at Screw Magazine and has allowed me to republish the article on my blog. This is the second installment of three. Enjoy.



A Porn King Gets Screwed -- Part III
An interview with Al Goldstein
by Josh Alan Friedman
(Originally Published in Razor Magazine, August, 2005)

Razor: I guess you had to say goodbye to hookers during this period.

Goldstein: Let me tell you something funny. I used to see a working girl named Venice. She worked for Heidi Fleiss, drop-dead beautiful, 28 years old. She was a $1,500 call girl, but because I'm a Jew, I got the Jew rate, $200. I'd been eating and fucking her since she was 18. She's Ron Jeremy's best girlfriend. She and Ronnie picked me up at the homeless shelter and, would you believe it, she gave me a thousand. Can you imagine a hooker giving a john money back?

Razor: The hooker with the heart of gold.

Goldstein: One time, Venice was blowing me in my New York City townhouse. She said, Load up your shot gun. I always kept a 12-gauge shotgun, I was afraid of being assassinated. She said, I want it against my head with your hand on the trigger. So I put it against her head and cocked it. She wanted know when I came if I'd lose all control and blow her head off. I knew the cops wouldn't believe it, it would have been like Spector, I would have been charged with murder. But this got her so excited--don't forget that as a hooker, she was bored by everything. All I kept thinking while she's sucking my dick is, Don't squeeze the trigger, don't squeeze the trigger. What a class act Venice is, I will never forget her kindness when I was in need.

Razor: Speaking of your time of need, it's notable that Larry Flynt didn't come through. It's an undisputed fact that Hustler routinely stole Screw's format and parodies.

Goldstein: Larry Flynt is a derivative copy. He admitted during his Midnight Blue (Screw's Cable-TV show] interview he stole everything from me. So how come I'm not mentioned in the Larry Flynt movie? Because he knows I'm the Columbus who discovered America. He's taken my editors--although in the case of Bruce David, that's like taking away a steaming pile of shit--and my two lawyers, Herald Price Fahringer and Paul Cambria, who's still his lawyer. Fahringer was with him when he was shot. Larry stole every concept, every idea, the Shit List, you know it, you were there. He knew I was in a homeless shelter and never sent me a penny. Bob Guccione was loyal, if he didn't go bankrupt he would have helped me. He was the best person in publishing. But I'm disappointed in Hefner. Hefner and I had always been special friends. He made me famous in 1974 with the Playboy interview. Eight years ago, he would not let Jordan, my ex-son, into a movie at the mansion. I burned the friendship out of loyalty to my son. I wrote Hefner a nasty letter, said my son's smarter than your daughter. I hurt his feelings. So a month ago I wrote Hefner to apologize. He wrote back a three-line letter, wishing me luck. My second biggest regret is that in the battle between Jordan and Hefner, I went with Jordan. But my first regret is coming in Gena's [Goldstein's third wife and mother of his son] pussy. I should have pulled out and come on her stomach or in her mouth so Jordan would not have been born.

Razor: You have a beautiful new wife.

Goldstein: She's 29, I'm 69. She's not just a different gender, she's a different species. She's a chimpanzee. Her family are all apes and I'm a chump. I met her two years ago. She liked me 'cause I'm a rebel, and I loved her cause she's pretty and smart. Everyone told her not to date me, I'm a player. That turned her on. Everything that makes me Al Goldstein, being a fighter, my tenacity, not taking shit--that's what she likes about me.
We got married in Vegas, Ron Jeremy was best man. We don't have a pre-nup. I said, Honey, you can have everything. I told her I'm washed up, finished, old dirty socks. She kept telling me, You're Al Goldstein, you're Al Goldstein, you're Al Goldstein. Her faith in
me. . . which I always felt was misplaced. . . but I look good, I had some stapling done, I have a gastro pouch. Dr. Aroni did it free. I've known him 15 years, when I was fat I used to take him to Le Cirque, my favorite restaurant.

Razor: Her family accepted you?

Goldstein: Her family's conservative, she has three sisters, her mother's a nurse and her father's a Hindu priest. Can you imagine, a Jew winds up with the daughter of a Hindu priest? I lived with them for two months when I first became homeless. I'm among all these girls, cluttering the house with my thrift shop purchases. But all I had was support from them.

Razor: What's it like with 40 years in age difference?

Goldstein: I love her youth. I have to tell her who the Beatles are. She doesn't know who James Joyce is, she never heard of Jimmy Hoffa. She's 29, why should she know who Jimmy Hoffa is? Albert Kinsey. An old Jew taught her.

Razor: You must have an awfully solid relationship, considering the loyalty you've both demonstrated through hardship and separation.

Goldstein: I cheated on every marriage. But my fifth wife is the first one for whom I'm wearing a wedding ring. Her loyalty is unbelievable. I don't fuck around. My testosterone level is low. I've already done every sex scene in the world. Lemme tell you something. I was arrested for shoplifting when I was homeless and still have a trial for that. I had two big bags with me. Homeless people keep everything with them, if you leave it at the shelter, it'll get stolen. I also wasn't on my medicine, so I kept fainting. I went to Starbucks on 67th Street to have my 54-cent refill. You know, they had free New York Times which I'd read. I was supposed to meet a guy at five o'clock who was taking me to a Tony Bennett concert at Lincoln Center. At 4:30 I left for Barnes and Noble next door to buy two books on Crohn's Disease and Colitis, which my wife Christine has, she's in and out of the hospital for blood transfusions. I asked the sales people for the books--if I was going to steal them I would have stayed low profile. I was getting dizzy, so I put my two bags down. I hadn't paid yet. I put the two books in the bag to look for the cash register. So they swooped down on me. I had $300 cash on me, which my lawyer, Charles DeStefano, gave me. I was going to pay for them. And the bottom line was, I never left the store's premises. I mean, why would I steal books on Crohn's and Colitis, you can't even jerk off to it. But they made me spend another night at Riker's, and I missed the Tony Bennett concert.

Razor: Couldn't Barnes & Noble just let it go, considering all the circumstances?

Goldstein: No. But they won't have a chance in hell next month at the trial. (Goldstein was found not guilty of shoplifting charges.)

Razor: You lost Screw after 34 years?

Goldstein: Yes, I went into bankruptcy. If the people who took it over gave me $500 a week, I would have stayed in the picture. Instead they took everything. For a year and a half, they held my clothing. And the bankruptcy court raped me. And why not? Everyone who hated me got back at me.

Razor: Who owns the rights?

Goldstein: I don't know. I no longer own the name Screw. But the history of Screw, I own. How can anyone appropriate that?



Razor: Screw without Al Goldstein. That's like the Brooklyn Dodgers without Brooklyn. The Nazis without Hitler.

Goldstein: They seized everything. I'm trying to get a deal for Midnight Blue on DVD. To some people I'm a fuckin' hero. Everyone loves the "Fuck You" editorials I did on Midnight Blue. I have 34 years of Screw in bound volumes. Nobody can take my words or my name. I own every word I've written, because the magazine never paid directly for Al Goldstein's writings. Next week, I start writing a weekly column on Booble.com. They've given me a computer to do a column reviewing porn websites. I never learned to use a computer. I'm also going to be pitch man for X On Demand streaming video. What Howard Stern is doing for satellite radio, I'm doing for streaming video. (Goldstein later decided against signing the contract with X On Demand.)

Razor: Have you seen Inside Deep Throat, or any of the porn histories flooding the market?

Goldstein: No. I'll have to go to Barnes & Noble and shoplift them.

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