Testosterone 101

Women are the great white sharks of the world. They are toothsome man-eaters who want to devour our flesh like a fat person at Krispy Kreme. Sharks, anacondas and crocodiles are the apex predators of nature. They are looking for their next meal and surely never think about flossing, going to their local dentist or wondering about the herbal influx that is entering their digestive tracts.

What makes these sharks so hungry are the natural laws of nature and the availability of decaying and decadent flesh that awaits consumption. But like Austin Powers we have the oil that lubricates this aggressiveness. In the movie they refer to it as “Mojo” but in the world of science it is called testosterone and we have more of it than women. It is high octane and full of the fire of masculinity. The eau de l’homme, the source of mighty man’s river.
The female hormone is called estrogen. It is the testosterone that makes the male shark so aggressive. But I think we are becoming a more feminine society, which makes things even easier for woman. A more feminine male is an easier target and more likely victim. This is just something to chew on for you pencil-necked Internet geeks trying to find date. Testosterone breeds success and success breeds testosterone. Testosterone teaches us to dominate, kill and be male and is the reason why men are the warriors and women are the nurses. So men, use your God-given testosterone to throw your computer out the fucking window, go outside and meet some real women.