A Porn King Gets Screwed --- Part II

Below is a continuation of the Razor Magzazine article about my fall from grace and return to the adult industry. Josh Alan Friedman, who wrote the article, used to be the editor at Screw Magazine and has allowed me to republish the article on my blog. This is the second installment of three. Enjoy.



A Porn King Gets Screwed -- Part II
An interview with Al Goldstein
by Josh Alan Friedman
(Originally Published in Razor Magazine, August, 2005)


Razor: Who stood by you?

Goldstein: Let me tell you who the friends have been: Steve Hirsch of Vivid sent me $5,000. Paul Fishbein of Adult Video News sent me $5,000. Ronnie Jeremy gave me money, which is amazing. He's cheap, but also my best friend. Noel Stein, used to run the Playboy Club for Hefner, I've known him 25 years. He owns a restaurant, Bica, on 54th. While I was homeless he'd give me lobster every other night--I didn't want to be a shnorrer, a pig about it--for free. Each time I'd get a meal he'd give me $50 or $100. The best friend of all, [magician] Penn Jillette, he got me out of the homeless shelter and is paying my rent until I get money. My criminal lawyer, Charles DeStefano, gave me a couple of thousand. Ratso Sloman's been there, Don Imus, Howard Stern reached in his pocket and gave me $500. Sirio Maccioni, the owner of Le Cirque, the most important restaurant in New York, comped me four out of five meals. Every other night I would eat pasta and lobster free at Le Cirque. But I had to go early to make the homeless shelter by eight to sign for my bed. [Le Cirque recently folded after 40 years]. And Drew, the owner of Nobu, the most expensive downtown Japanese restaurant, gave me free meals.

Razor: Sounds like the restaurant guys were most supportive.

Goldstein: Yes, but the porno people were not. Practically the whole business turned their back on me.

Razor: I heard that even when homeless, you instigated a few lawsuits.

Goldstein: I was still a litigant. It only costs five dollars for Small Claims. While I was homeless, I sued Verizon for a bad phone signal. I hired two lawyers and I lost. Dealing with corporate America, the concept is Fuck You. They're responsible for nothing but collecting a monthly payment from you. I'm now suing Time-Warner because my cable picture's no good.


Razor: What about your cigar habit when you were on the street?

Goldstein: I would go to J&R Cigars. You could get a hundred cigars for $100, but because Lou Rothman knew me, they would take 20% off. So I'd smoke these 80-cent cigars, but I didn't care. I still smoke eight cigars a day. Maybe we're latent cocksuckers. I'm very oral. Since I'm not fucking around with new pussy, I can't follow-up on my pussy addiction or eat as much as I used to.

Razor: It's hard to believe that a man of your means, with a lifetime of resources, could become penniless.

Goldstein: I still got social security, most of which went toward debts. But when I was homeless, I was still making money. I appeared in Inside Deep Throat, a Melvin Van Peebles documentary they're shooting now, and a film on swinging. And a new documentary called The Trials of Al Goldstein, now playing the Tribeca Film Festival. They followed me to Bellevue Men's Shelter with cameras.

Razor: No other work from the porn industry itself?

Goldstein: Two years ago I did a porn film called Al Goldstein and Ron Jeremy Get Screwed. I had to take 400 milligrams of Viagra. Ronnie paid me $500 to eat pussy, and another thousand to come on camera. Being a Jew, I took the Viagra and popped a load. I was nominated as best supporting porno actor. I couldn't leave New York by court order, so if I won, I had the Association for Retired People ready to accept it. I was watching The Animal Channel and I told Ron Jeremy he's not a hedgehog, he's a hippo. Hippos eat a hundred pounds of food a day. I wish I was a giraffe with an 18" tongue, I could lick the pussy and the ass at the same time.

Razor: You're familiar with the finest hotels in the world. How did Bellevue Men's Shelter stack up?

Goldstein: Bellevue was a horror for six months. The case workers and social workers have no humanity, they're not even Homo Sapiens, they're the animal kingdom, they're the low end of their profession. You'd expect to see the staff at Bellevue in National Geographic. They've taken human form, like the devil in The Exorcist. They have contempt for everyone. I ran out of diabetic medicine, Prozac and Cozaar. I kept fainting and collapsing. I tried not to think of the houses I'd lived in, the fact I once had four secretaries and a chauffeur.
I had to get to Bellevue at eight o'clock to sign for a bed. If I didn't get there in time, I slept in Central Park, which happened six times. I slept in a large room with 20 people, most of whom talked to themselves and smelled. But a lot of them just had a divorce or a medical emergency. Even people who are successful are one paycheck away from being homeless. We are all so vulnerable under capitalism. The safety nets have holes.

Razor: Did you abide by protocol?

Goldstein: They make you leave the shelter from nine in the morning until 6:30 at night. So I learned where every Starbucks was. The first cup of coffee is $1.89, but refills are only 54 cents. I bought a thermos and stayed all day. I'd read The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The New York Post, recharge my cellphone, use their bathroom. Nobody bothered me and there were beautiful women to look at who are all computer nerds. Starbucks is a homeless shelter. Except only two are open all night, the one on Astor Place, and in Times Square. I had a little Sony radio with TV sound, so I listened to WINS and Peter Jennings. I built my life around that for six months. I learned about every thrift shop. The Homeless Coalition on Nassau Street tried to help me. From them I learned about the Salvation Army on Wednesdays, where prices are cut in half for senior citizens. The best was the marble thrift shop on 28th and 3rd, where I'd buy a beautiful $200 Italian jacket for six dollars. Great Brooks Brothers shirts for three dollars. I gave them to [Goldstein's new wife] Christine to hold, who was back with her parents. Her family was so kind to me. Their oldest daughter is also married to a guy living in a homeless shelter. I'm just happy that before I went under, they saw my three-million-dollar house in Florida and knew I was once a contender.

Razor: Is there a four-star shelter?

Goldstein : The Bowery Mission is one of the best homeless shelters. You know who tried to get me in it? Cal Thomas, the religious conservative columnist. He came to visit me with a priest, Tom Maharis. They got me into the Bowery, but then I got the apartment. From the left wing nobody did shit, but here's a right-wing priest who came through. I gave up my Star of David, I'm wearing a Catholic Cross.

Razor: Did you consider getting religion on the street?

Goldstein: Naw, I felt like if there's a God, he's shoving it up my existential ass.

Razor: Did you make any lasting friendships at Bellevue?

Goldstein: All the homeless people saw Midnight Blue and the corrections officers bought Screw. Homeless people at Bellevue would give me money. Can you imagine? I became their poster boy. The Homeless Coalition gave me MTA subway cards. They tried to get me into a higher class shelter, with some dignity. I'm a Korean War veteran, but couldn't get into a VA shelter. It took me six months to prove to the VA that I was honorably discharged.

Razor: Where did you end up next?

Goldstein: They got tired of me at Bellevue after six months. There was a nicer shelter, but I wasn't allowed in. I'm 69 years old, a Korean War vet, I'm being treated like shit, I'm chased out. It was pathetic. They sent me to a place called CID on 123rd and Lexington in Harlem for two months. Bellevue was viler, but the one in Harlem was in such a bad neighborhood, I couldn't even find a Starbucks. Billy Gorda of the New York Post visited me there and gave me a couple hundred dollars.

Razor: The Times and Post printed dispatches when they caught up with you on the street:
Goldstein: One time I was on Howard's Stern's show after I'd just been found guilty of harassing a secretary. The judge was Korean, so I complained he served my pork lo mien cold and put too much starch in my shirt. Howard said, Al, you're being sentenced tomorrow, why are you attacking the judge? So of course, the judge got back at me, he gave me a year in Riker's Island, for which I served nine days. That case was ultimately reversed by the Supreme Court, three to nothing.

Razor: You hadn't been to jail in years.

Goldstein: I compared the cockroaches at Riker's and the Tombs. The cockroaches are stronger and faster at the Tombs.

Razor: I guess you had to say goodbye to hookers during this period.

Goldstein: Let me tell you something funny. . . .

End of Part II. Please check back in a couple of days to find out whether Al found hookers in the homeless shelter, how he got back on his feet and how he's reinventing himself on the Internet.