Wish You Were Hair

Last blog I applauded Hustler’s inclusion of DVD’s with their magazine. Hot pussies and big cocks that would make a hippopotamus gag with more sperm for the girls to wallow in than in an Olympic-sized pool.

Other than the gross images of one girl spitting the stud’s sperm into the other girl’s mouth like old faithful, this is great jerk-off material. Each of the Hustler DVD’s has four sexual encounters.

Frankly, I won’t be satisfied until one of the scenes shows me pulling Flynt out of his gold wheelchair, rolling him in flour, covering him in chicken feather, lubricating his ass with Crisco and then fucking him. Then pulling my cock out and shooting my load in his red neck mouth while Hustler editor Bruce David jerks off in my right ear. This way his wife Wendy doesn’t have to look at his deformed cock (it looks like a hammer head shark) and he will continue to give me assignments. Bruce was my managing editor for Screw 25 years ago.

I started Larry Flynt in 1972 four years AFTER I started Screw. I have taught the liberal but lame Flynt the art of licking clit and diving into a pretty, tasty and svelte lasses’ asshole while plunging my Gecko-like tongue into her hairy shit hole. I put her hands on the back on my head and tell her to fuck my tongue. Her gyrations excite me as much as Godiva Belgian chocolate ice cream.

Of course this doesn’t produce love or even gratitude which is only generated by a fat wallet. But the girl will have fond memories and once a year send you a postcard with the words “Wish You Were Hair.”



But while there a smile on my face and white cum oozing out of the tip of my dick from the Hustler films I am more excited from the fact that I got an advance copy of my autobiography “I, Goldstein” published by Thunder Mouth Press. It is the best read you will ever have and in the included photo section the picture of Seka sucking my sincere but rocket hard cock will make you envious - as you should be. It was 20 years ago and my cock was hard and I looked like a young Johnny Holmes. I once complained to my diet doctor, Dr. Arrone, that in subsequent years my cock has shrunk and my feet have gotten larger. This proves there is no God.

The book goes on sale the first week in September and the pages are sperm resistant. Your cum will dribble of the page and you can read the book while you take your weekly shower.