14-Inch Dildos and Other Delights

There are more blogs in the world today than black men in prison. Blogs are so redundant one must wonder why you are reading me, right now? The answer is simple: I am a great writer and you will not read anything like this anywhere else. I will be begging Booble very soon to allow me to blog twice a week because I have so much to whine about.

In future blogs I am going to running photos of me having sex with 30 of the hottest women in the world including Seka, Linda Lovelace and Terri Weigel. I will be lapping labia, tonguing the asshole of some Australian babe and other tidbits to get you hard and educate you on sharpening you own sexual techniques. If you are lucky you will also get my special lesson on cunnilingus. I have sucked on toes, assholes, and nipples and popped my load down the gullet of many unwilling girlfriends (usually after giving them a few hundred bucks). By the way, Linnea Quiqley pussy tasted better than Baskin Robbins' peanut butter and chocolate ice cream.

My bang list doesn’t include Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton but more ladies from the older generation. I remember hanging out at Plato’s Retreat with Richard Dreyfus while he was fucking some girl in a hot tub thinking that Jaws was going to pop up and chomp off her tit.

My favorite celebrity was Buck Henry who wrote The Graduate among other things. He knew the Mitchell Brothers (the murdering one died last week). They hired me to do a live sex show way back when, where I fucked six women on stage. I think Buck jerked off while watching and the manager that night was Hunter Thompson, who had so much coke coming out of his nose that I couldn’t believe he could stand up on his own. Keep in mind I didn’t cum because I was waiting for the seventh girl to arrive but when she did she brandished a 14-inch dildo that ruined any chances of delighting the ladies with my delicious spunk.

More next week on Hugh Heffner and his ex-wife Carrie Leigh…