Pornographer Accountants

I just got back from a four-day trip to the Internext Expo in Fort Lauderdale where Booble sprung for my flight and a swank hotel room to press the flesh and present the Booble Girl of the Year award to Lisa Sparxxx. The plan was to make a speech, continue my run for the presidency and hopefully get laid.

Booble treated me very well and they are a great group of people but I have to say that meeting the other companies down there made me want to blow my brains out. The pornographers of today are complete bores. It was like being at an accountant’s convention without the fascinating spreadsheet macro-shortcut presentation.

Speaking to the pseudo-dead webmasters was like talking to a bunch of corpses in a cemetery. As I walked around the expo and met people, I kept waiting for a dead hand to grab my leg from underneath the floorboard.

Two years ago or so, I worked for a streaming video company and there I learned that nothing distinguishes one porno company from another. Differentiating them is like studying the anomalies in assholes and splitting asshairs.

Fuck films are identical as turds and nowadays so are the companies that produce and deliver them. Some are shaped like a snowflake and others like the letter “L” – but they both smell bad and both are still shit.

The movies are one cliché piled onto another and the men who purvey this are equally dumb and boring. The guy I worked for at the streaming video company was actually a good guy and I was sorry that I quit. I was just embarrassed by the content of the product.

Even though I still masturbate every other day, which is impressive at my age, I am still handcuffed to the same footage. The girl’s faces and bodies change but it’s the same moaning and groaning. Each girl carries on like she has never seen a cock before or looks like an emaciated Auschwitz survivor with garish fake books. To this day, and all the women I have been with, not one has ever begged me to cum on their tits, like I see in porno films every day.

Porn makes marriage and intimacy much more difficult and these knowing, cold-hard-fact webmasters are pimps in a black ghetto pushing their hookers onto unsuspecting welfare-check recipients. They are manure pushers (except for Bob of course).

At the end of the Expo, when there were just a few straddlers left, I felt like I was in a leper colony filled with young, yuppie, pimpled punks. None of them had ever even heard of me! If it weren’t for me they wouldn’t exist.

I did not get laid either but I did jerk off in my expensive hotel room to some run-of-the-mill porn. There were many 18-21 year old hot girls down there yet because my empire and to these webmasters, my legacy, no longer exists - they had no use for me.