Raindrops (or bird shit) keep falling on my head
Are these tears in my eyes or is it raining above my forehead? If you look at the pictures in Money magazine and other slick publications they show retired people on trips, on cruises, fishing and having the time of their lives. Here I am 71 years old, having worked all my life, and I keep posing the question would I be better off dead.
Why? I have no life. I haven’t tasted a pussy in two years. Keep in mind this from a pornographer who used to have several women each day. My ex-wife, who had the marriage annulled, doesn’t want to have anything physical with me because she has colitis and is afraid I will make her physical condition deteriorate even more. On Monday I go to my shrink at the VA, on Tuesday I go to my podiatrist and on Wed the dentist. The MTA and Access-a-ride keeps torturing me. My social worker comes to the house to make sure I haven’t killed myself. Where are the good times? Where is a clit on my tongue? Why is God punishing me?
Obviously I have bad karma. I am, thanks to Booble, placing personal ads online with the hope that I will get to lick a pussy and asshole and have some sex. The reality is that I am alone now and I am probably going to die alone. When I published Screw I must have been a hateful human being because the vengeance of the existential God is severe and unrelenting. Happily, I wack off every chance I get and one of my few moments of release and joy.
If TV was the way it was 30 years ago with nothing on I would blow my brains out from boredom. I keep hoping that things will improve but I am beginning to realize what I am experiencing is a merely a teaser of something worse.
posted by Al Goldstein @ 9:30 AM
19 comments
19 Comments:
Winter Depression. It's cold outside so there is not a lot you can do during winter. But once Spring/Summer comes around, the weather gets warmer, there will be more activities for you to do. Most of them free if you look around. Remember your just a subway ride away from the greatest city in the world. Look at the bright side, you don't have to get up every morning and commute to work in this cold, shitty weather.
Al, there are *many* folks out there, male and female, who enjoy older men. Hang in there, you may be surprised from where your next caress comes!
I am not sure if this is helpful, but Buddhists believe that dissatisfaction (Dhukka, sometimes awkwardly translated as "suffering") comes from attachment - we want what we don't have and when we have what we (think we) want, we fear losing it.
Something to chew on, I suppose.
Be well,
M
Al,
Scratch up about $100 and come on out to Ohio for a visit this summer. We'll go fishing at the beautiful Lake Erie Islands region and hit a good Jewish Deli by Cleveland. It would be a blast!!
I know you paint a bleak picture of Ohio in your book....but, it ain't that bad. There are asthetics in ALL things.
hookerexperience
Al,
your problem is that you think you "know". Well, you don't. Go with the flow and remember that only the trees that bend actually survive survive the storm.
Al, try a free personal ad in NY Craigslist. That's your best bet. And don't put down TV or pop culture the way it was 30 years ago. Back then programming was more civilized, porn was still larger than life and we were all getting 24/7 pussy. Back in the good old days, movies were not yet ruined by queers and music was not ruled by street thugs. The past is precious for all of us. If we only had a time machine we'd all leave 2007 ASAP. Go to bed at night and dream of the past and you'll feel better. Don't be depressed. You have us to love you and be your shrink.
Karma is a real bitch....
Al, what happened?
winter depression,
i dont have winter depression i have life depression. the worst thing about life is you have to deal with the thugs, slugs and vermin. do not forget the predatory cunts. i have been robbed of everything i own and five marriages. life is a living horror.
AG
mothra,
i pray (hard for an atheist) that you are right. my lonliness is like a tsunami surrounding my humanity. i am so hungry to have the touch and friendship of an attractive and smart and thinking woman in her 30's 40's or 50's. hopefully she will appreciate my nihilistic philosphy of my existence. I would even date a sensitive guy if we could laugh and he bought dinner. for a really good meal i would even swallow.
AG
hookerexperience,
fuck you and your fish. what i need is human companionship and the warmth and love of a woman. goldsfish are a lot cheaper but you really dont have an exchange of your ideas with them. there must be a woman as desperate and earnest for companionship out there. can i be the only lonley person out there?
AG
dear bending tree,
the only thing i know is that i know nothing. i contaiminated every relationship i ever had. my lonliness is so transcending that suicide looks more appealing but i would make too many people happy after my demise. there within me a little kernel of hope that there must be someone out there for me.
AG
ghost of porn past,
the past is as insignificant as having had a dinner five years ago. the more i think of what i had and lost the more attractive becomes death. the past is gone. today hasn't happened and the future is an optical illusion.
AG
Dude,
The problem with having a relationship with a woman is that you are going to be part of it. You need to get some fucking interests outside of your self-pity and obsessional drive for pussy. You ain't got nothing to offer a female. You ain't got a life and your sick in the head. Get your shit together...or nothing else is going to happen.
Here's what I think. I think you need to loosen up a bit Al. Learn to smile. Grab a little bit of levity.
Then, peruse the listings and ads in alt.com.
Now I know this is going to be a stretch. At 71 you're no spring chicken. But, if you're willing to look a bit beyond mere aesthetics, you will find plenty of freshly shaved, snapping pussies waiting for you, just eager for you to practice and further refine your clitoracal skills.
Sure. Some of the ladies may be plump and a bit older than 18 years of age. But I have found that the most willing, and in fact the most desperate women are in the 40 to 50 year old range, married and kinky.
They are women whose husbands have been worn down to a nub; whose meatpoles have been dulled to a thud; and whose libidos have been emasculated through years of mortgage payments, car payments, insurance payments, tampons, and PMS fits.
All said and done, you would be doing a lot of these unfortunate men a very well-deserved favor if you did, in fact service their needy wives.
Don't get me wrong. These ladies have no interest in any LTR other than receiving some very gratifying sexual services.
They in turn, I am sure, will be happy to reciprocate.
Being an old cunster and mufsterer myself, and of course a big fan of your magazine's (to steal a phrase from Hustler) -- "all meat issues" (and you DELIVERED seething with overload the meat rather than just the buns as the inferior publishers had done), I think I can recommend this to you without going to far out on my limb. (Excuse the runon sentence).
So join up with the kinksters and enjoy a lick here and there. Its like riding a bike you know. Once you've licked them to nirvana, you know the moves.
And as I always say, "pussy's pussy".
goldstein, I'm coming to NYC in May/June. I'm taking you out for dinner or a hot fudge sundae; or both. Hang in there, you can eat my cherry (off the sundae). I still love and admire you...you're one of a kind. Marcia
Al, hang in there. I'm coming into NYC in May/June and I'll buy you dinner and a hot fudge sundae and you can eat my cherry (off the sundae). I still love you and admire you....even though we both know you're nuts. Marcia
Al, you old fart! You're still
alive and kicking...sorry that
you're feeling like shit...I
grok.
Just want to thank you for my
SCREW subscription way back in
1971 or so when I was a mere
20....boy, did I look forward
to it arriving in the mailbox,
praying that my mother didn't
get the mail before I did!
I know just thinking about
the past doesn't do much
for you today, but you can
be proud that you entertained
and enlightened a hell of a lot
of people back in those wild
days of the late 60's and early
70's. Drove a lot of constipated
jerks crazy too!!
Hang in there Al...life
changes, and those can
be a real bitch. You're not
alone man.
I would try to get some good drugs, at least, off of the psychiatrist and the dentist.
(Podiatrists are just shoe salesmen who got a doctor's degree, so don't trust anything he gives you--if they even allow podiatrists to give out anything but generic Dr. Shoal's gel pads these days...)
The question for a fatalist would be, "Why does Hefner have 3 women, and you have zero?"
I dunno...I don't know if I want 50 twentysomething flakes in my mansion partying at 2 a.m. when I am 82 years old, either...and even though I loved Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death, I don't want Bill Maher over at my house, drinkin' my booze and tryin' to put the mack on my women....EVERY...FREAKIN'...NIGHT...FOR THE...REST....OF....MY....LIFE...
Al, stop the woe is me act. It's getting old. And get therapy for your selfish Id. Your wives don't count. You bought their love with your fame and fortune and deserved to be screwed. The world is going to hell in a handbasket. We are ruled by 9/11 thug and oil war despot Hee Haw Hitler, culture is run by gangsters and metrosexuals and still all you can think about is yourself. Get up off your ass and do something for others for a change. Protest the war. Join a worthy cause except bitching like a yenta about your own wants and needs. Have you not learned something from your benefactors? To he who gives much is given.
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