To My Readers, A Plea...
Now that I am beautiful again, having completed successful cosmetic surgery done on my stomach flab, please help Al Goldstein meet, greet and eat new pussy. Don’t be a deformed humpback guy impersonating a woman. Be a real man and help a sex starved pussy lapper like me find Nirvana. Write to me at alvingoldstein@gmail.com.
For 35 years I published Screw I had sex with 7,000 women. I ate more pussy than science fiction aliens ate human beings in the movie Soylent Green. The taste of pussy is my elixir and like a Catholic drinking wine, it is the blood of my host. I am like some scuba diver 20 fathoms deep running out of oxygen ready to be brought to surface. The smell and taste of pussy rejuvenates me. It is better than herbs, lipitor, cozar, metaformin, penecillian and every other drug created by the scientists of yore. It fights depression without any of the side effects of lithium and like valium puts the smile on my face and its juices fight tooth decay. A woman’s legs wrapped around my head as her vagina pumps my tongue is a cocoon of bliss and only Godiva Belgian chocolate ice cream can equal the taste.
Twenty five years ago when it was discovered that I had sleep apnea the only treatment available was a tracheotomy. That has not been practiced for the past 20 years because it is so invasive. But while I had a hole in my throat and my trach was operational I could breathe through my blowhole while the women fucked my tongue and she never had to come up for air. It was the nadir of my pussy eating days and I launched thousands of female orgasms by the constant attention of my tongue on her little gland. I am prepared to get another trach if that will bring back a woman in my face. And you dear reader can bring pleasure to women and to my tongue, and in gods well kept book of 'great treasures of gifts', your name will be printed in bold letters.
My tongue is as majestic as a Penn and Teller performance. Like launching the first space ship to the moon I have given great orgasms to Gloria Leonard, Seka, Teri Weigel, Jenna Jameson, etc. Their orgasms were so mind altering and heart rendering that most of them quit the porn business since no one can eat them the way I did. Both Hillary Clinton and Laura Bush will not let their husbands eat them since they have been licked by my muscle bound Lou Ferrigno-like tongue.
This is not a joke. Please email me. I have not eaten pussy in six months because I was married and I am in desperate need of female orifices.
19 Comments:
AL'S BACK!!!!!!!! : )
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!
Many of your loyal readers live on the west coast and can't help you. And New York is not what it was in the heyday of 70s/80s porn. But there must be some hook-up mag that took over when Screw left off. Put a personal ad in it hailing your pussy-eating prowess and you should strike it licky, I mean lucky. Happy Holidays!
She should be a senior citizen and homeless right?
I have enough problems getting my own!! Shit, 7000 women.....most mortal men will never experience that. You're one lucky bastard. So your Salvation Army like pussy bell ringing doesn't elicit that much of a charitable thought from me. BUT saying that...you'll get a good muff dive again....it just takes time out here in the real world.....were most of us guys are. I love you dude. Great book.
Damn it Al, stop it already! I don't mind the fact that you banged 7,000 women, but would you stop rubbing it in about bringing my all-time fave, Gloria Leonard to orgasm. Gloria does to me what Linnea Quigley does to you! I don't even give a shit if she, like you, is probably 100 years old now! I would still go out with her.
Maybe you've run through your lifetime supply of pussy, Al. I mean, at 7,000, you may have exceeded your earthly allotment.
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This make my Xmas sound so boring... The best thing ive had in my mouth are fresh oysters....
Al,
New to your blog but a fan from puberty.
Get out your little pink book & touch some of those 7000 pussys. You ain't gonna get no teenie pink unless you payin.
Al writes:
"It was the nadir of my pussy eating days and I launched thousands of female orgasms by the constant attention of my tongue on her little gland."
Since "nadir" means the lowest point I think you really mean the antonym of nadir, which is zenith.
It was the zenith of your pussy eating days, Al.
No, it was the SONY...
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Al, why yearn for pussy when so much of it exists (for sale)? The market is healthy and you can have any flavor you want. You too good to pay for it?
The word "for sale" is I have no money to pay for such things. The only thing I can afford is the Dollar menu from McDonalds.
AG
7,000 woman is a lot. That is a good point. Maybe that is my limit.
AG
Why don't you ask some of these women to send you their soiled underwear (if they wear any) and you can lie in bed at night wearing different pair over your face and relive the glory days.
Al, I think we would all like to see you back where you belong. Behind the desk of Screw, doing what you did best. Why won't they take you back?
walt
I'm not sure, I think I jumped into this convo too late... lol but it's a great poit!
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