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Thursday, December 06, 2007

The Worst of the Worst



I have a button that I used to hand out to friends. It said politicians give prostitutes a bad name. The word politician is a synonym for opportunist and whore. Today’s politicians are actually lobbyists to-be. They have unending ambition and seek the power of political office, not the desire to make the country a better place. Not only is power an aphrodisiac but it enlarges their cocks from four to nine inches and they become superheroes and he-men.

These fabricators of truth know that whatever they hold is a turn-on to the women they want to fuck and eat. If men are turned on by round asses, beautiful tits and thin ankles, then women become passionate over the size of a man’s wallet and power. That’s why we have groupies. Women’s pussies become moist with the anticipation of carnal bliss as they think about the lecturer at his podium, their boss and men with Rolexes. Looks mean nothing to these creatures. How else can we explain a trout-lipped Donald Trump getting laid by models all the time? Could it be his bank account? Aristotle Onassis was a physical pygmy yet, because of his wealth, he attained the ultimate piece of ass - the president’s wife Jackie Kennedy. Women may lust for Tom Cruise but reality outdistances good looks if you have big bucks.

I know this is a fact because while I was the publisher of Screw and had four homes and $11 million dollars, I got laid four to five times a day. Screw went bankrupt four years ago and I haven’t had a date or gotten laid since. My fifth wife, Christine, only stayed with me to steal whatever I had left and Penn Jillette’s money.

As I watched the last republican debate I realized they were all cocks in search of a hairy hole. I am usually ahead of my time and every week I attacked Rudy Giuliani while I was publisher of Screw. He was hated by New Yorkers for closing porno shops and turning NYC into a miniature Gestapo state. After September 11 he started to get good press. So, it gave me the greatest pleasure last week when the past caught up with him as he tried to lie his way through using taxpayer money to shuttle him to and from the Hamptons to cheat on his wife.

How could it be otherwise? He came from a mafia family and his father served time for a sticking up a bank. The fact that he hired a Bernard Kerik, who was a complete crook and adultery, comes as no surprise. Thieves of a feather flock together and these birds were not eagles, but vultures.
PS - As bad as Giuliani is, he is not as low as that fat cripple Bill Lustig, who in my mind is lower than whale shit.

15 Comments:

At 2:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

AMEN AL!
You have my support friend~

Sincerely,
Eric Montoya
los angeles, ca.

 
At 2:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

if women didn't have vaginas, men wouldn't talk to them.

 
At 8:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's too bad that you didn't make a deal with either Alpha Blue Archives or Something Weird Video to allow those firms to sell MIDNIGHT BLUE DVDs instead of dealing with Bill Lustig. Alpha Blue Archives would have released at least ten MIDNIGHT BLUE DVD compilations by now instead of those five which have been released by Lustig's company. And, Alpha Blue's DVDs would have most likely featured the uncut versions of your MIDNIGHT BLUE editorials, too!

 
At 2:09 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

Al,

I just blew a load in my shorts to that photo of Giuliani you posted.

Mitch Haase

 
At 4:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Money is the root of all evil, Al. And those who can't get laid with their personality, charm, humanity or character get no snatch without paying for it. Yet being poor won't earn you pity if your ego or id is still your true mistress.

As for Giuliani, his right wing corruption is but the tip of a huge iceberg with oil men, zionists and globalists much higher up on the post 9/11 inside job ladder. And don't pick on the black hats. They were your porno brethren in the good old days.

Even old age is not a good enough gift for you this holiday season. Be happy you're still alive to complain. You're worse than a bitching nagging yenta. No wonder why you're alone.

In the end, an old Jew without money and power is like a plant without sun and water. Get a life, Al. Or pray for a visit from Scrooge's spooks. Oy vey!

 
At 6:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jackie Kennedy had her own money, you'll have to find another reason why she spread her legs for Onassis. Maybe he had a 'super tanker' hanging between his legs and shot oil into her dry vagina...

 
At 9:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Al Goldstein has many valid reason to kvetch. For example he used to write movie reviews and related articles for SWANK magazine during the years 1973 and 1974. His work was excellent. His reviews were thorough, detailed, highly perceptive and well-written. Unfortunately someone decided to replace Al Goldstein's reviews with those of Bob Salmaggi. Salmaggi's output was inferior by comparison--as one would expect. I wonder what genius at SWANK decided to make that switch?

 
At 2:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! What a loss to the literary world. Did they pay Al 11 mil per review? LOL!

 
At 2:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

how many times a day do you masturbate al and do you prefer a thumb up your ass?

 
At 5:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alvin, what porn do you jerk off to to relive your lay for pay heyday?

 
At 6:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

al, i want to see a photo of your naked asshole, spread and dilated.

 
At 9:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perhaps Al Goldstein didn't win any Pulitzer prizes for his articles that he wrote for SWANK during the early 1970s but he did write adult movie reviews that regularly appeared in PENTHOUSE from the mid 1980s to the mid 1990s. PLAYBOY by comparison essentially stopped publishing adult movie reviews since the late 1970s. And, in my humble opinion, Al did a far better job of covering the adult film industry than did Robert Rimmer.

 
At 2:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A NOTE TO AL'S EX-WIVES LURKING HERE:

you are all a bunch of money-grubbing cunts.

 
At 12:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Screw, why do Jews have to pay for love and sex? Aren't the best things in life supposed to be free?

 
At 6:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Al, you said you have had sex (... or ate the pussy of) 5000 women.

What is the break up of the 5000 women? (Fill in the chart below).

GIRL TYPE--------EXCHANGE

5 wives (Al gets sex, wives get $)
1 porn star/the one where you received best supporting actor with Ron Jeremy (Al gets sex, porn star gets $)
1 hooker (Al gets sex, girl gets $)
1 groupie (Al gets sex, girl gets *fame*)
---------
7 GIRLS TOTAL


5000 GIRLS TOTAL (how did you reach this number?)

 

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