A New Year
Love is like a recently caught flounder that smells bad after time. In fact, there are many people that would argue that the smell of rotting fish and pussy are identical. In my own life I have gone from 10 parties every week and the most beautiful girlfriends and hookers imaginable. But that was predicated on my four homes, $11 million dollars and penchant for lavishing my lovers with high priced gifts.
Tonight, on New Year's Eve, I have no plans or girlfriend.
But I still feel like I have more to give. I hope that in 2008 I find a job, a good woman and make a successful move to either Las Vegas or Florida to start a new life. I still have more to offer and the final chapter of my life has yet to be written.
I am grateful to you my readers for being here each week to catch up on my life and post insane ramblings, insults and the occassional kind word. In case you are unaware, we post a new blog here once a week and I am still running for president all the while slowly piecing my life back together. Thanks to everyone at Booble, especially Bob, and Penn Jillette without whom I would probably be dead and rotting in some unmarked graveyard somewhere.
Happy New Year!
posted by Al Goldstein @ 11:41 AM
19 comments
19 Comments:
New Years Eve, about 4 years ago, I might have been caught lounging around the pool at your house on the inter-coastal, sitting on your fat, white middle finger. Unfortunately, as I recall, you were nowhere to be seen, but with all the hot stripper tail around I figured you were there in spirit. I'll admit, peeking in your windows was a little like peeking into the Pope's bedroom.
You see, over the years I've been one of the nameless and numerous supporters of both your commercial ventures ('reading' your magazines 'til you can't pull the pages apart) and your political aspirations (Sheriff Goldstein!). I will continue to support you wherever you end up and I'm really glad you have this forum for us to keep an eye on you.
I also recently looked into moving to Vegas and although it fills my requirement for being a 24 hour town, it's way too brown for someone that enjoys a good sunrise whether to wake to or go to sleep by. I figured my best bet is to take the fight right to the center of the bible belt, there is no reason all those pasty white fundamentalists should have all the nicest scenery. Let's move them fuckers to the backfilled suburban swamps of Pembroke Pines.
Happy New Year Al!
May all your goals become reality in 2008!
p.s. nothing wrong with staying home on new years eve, good way to avoid all the drunks.
Happy new year Al!
Al,
Your new year's resolution should be to go 100% queer in 2008. Once you've had a dick up your ass, you'll never go back.
Mitch Haase
Al, you're not earning your keep with this blog. You only post once a week and you keep repeating yourself about how you used to have it all and now you're a bitter old man, etc.
In fact, the fan responses are more entertaining than the blog itself.
Let's hear some fresh insights. Happy Jew Year!
al, let me tell you about the first time i ate shit.
it was on a cold september morning in billings, montana. i was eating dinner in my apartment and realized i had never tasted feces.
fortunately i had a turtle head poking out for the past few hours so i had one on hand and she was ready to blow.
i dropped trou and squatted over a large plastic turkey platter. as the crap fell out of my ass, i thought about how most people live their entire lives and never know what i was about to experience.
when the shit stopped falling, i stood up and looked down on the platter of shit. it had the consistency of soft serve ice cream. it looked like a bowl of chili and a granola bar fucked and made a baby.
i decided to forgo the flatware and eat the shit directly off the platter like a dog on the street. i took the platter in both hands and lifted it to my face. the smell reminded me of the beef stroganoff i had eaten the night before, and this made me hungry.
i opened my mouth and pressed my face into the pile. as i bit down, i swirled my tongue all around the shit in my mouth. it was amazing to me how the taste was nothing like the smell.
i finished the platter and have eaten all of my shit to this day.
the end.
"In fact, the fan responses are more entertaining than the blog itself."
If that's the case maybe we ought to be Al's writing staff for his next magazine or online venture. Mitch can write all of Al's campaign speeches for him.
Al,
I'm impressed that your working so hard to make 2008 the year of your dreams. I think your redesigning your life and that's more than inspiring to me.
I subscribed to SCREW for over 20 years and I agree that all these "friends" who betrayed you when you needed them the most were nothing more than a "Discrace To Humanity". I maintain that you can't lose friends you never had.
I'm proud of your accomplishments this year and think you are more valuable now than ever before. I think your book and ongoing story has inspired many to get what they want out of life and seek partners that are emotionally healthy and avoid just user friendly types that suck the life out of life. I think you have saved a lot of lives.
I feel you are so much more than a soul survivor. The world is better because of your actions and that means a better 2008 for all of us. A better everything.
Last - It's a sad state of affairs to read that you were so victimized. I think the late Albert Ellis would say get it out of your system. As we all know that takes time and no one forgets. I think Albert Ellis would be impressed never the less.
I am a better human being after reading your words and look forward to more of your posts. I also wish you would write more often and would like to see others promote you more. I was moved to change myself in a variety of ways and your writings really spoke to me. That's not easy and Thank you so much. Everyone loves a comeback and it sounds like your reinvention continues. I'm grateful that your sharing it with the rest of the world.
Al, your such a valuable human being. I think you will always deserve better and get it as well. I hope more than anything in the world that you get what you want.
Happy New Years
Al,
Booble needs to drop a spell check into this window. I correct myself by stating that the people who failed to appreciate you and betrayed you are a "Disgrace to Humanity and Al- My God, you have done the impossible. There are no words to describe what a wonderfull worthwhile human being you are.
No words...
Al,
A few years ago I told Jerry Damiano that good sex is never dated and the same goes for your choice words of wisdom. Others are boring but you make me think even more. That's real magic because it leaves a lasting impression like only you could leave. The day you leave us will be the saddest day in the world.
No Words...
Al, you should be hired as a contributing editor of the next incarnation of SCREW magazine--whenever it is revived! When I dialed DJK Productions several weeks ago I was told that DJK was no longer publishing SCREW but that SCREW might eventually be revived by a company that acquired it from the DJK people. It would be great if your brainchild's latest owners would actually take a look at all of those messages which have been posted at this blog as a source of inspiration.
Al, Hope is not a plan. I think you need to draw up a new action plan that comes with plenty of support. Try a different approach so you'll get a new partner, an exciting job opportunity (nothing short of stellar) and the fresh new start you have long desired for so long. A solid plan will speed things up so more of your needs are met.
I wish you the world and hope you get it all. Make up your own rules - within reason - as you are overqualified and above average to the max. I mean, Al, how can you satisfy a genius. I think you underestimate yourself sometimes.
Last note - you always have more options than you realize and I think your about to find that out.
Happy New Years - 2008
You still "da man" Big Al! When I was young and horny and lonely and alone (as apposed to being old and horny and lonely and alone as we apparently both are today!) I got lots of inspiration for jacking off from reading Screw. Damn! You published some nasty stuff when that nasty stuff was hard to come (cum?) by dude! I almost wore out my dick on some of that shit!
I've never had the chance to thank you until now. The way I look at it is as long as we got our dicks and our right hands it ain't over man! I plan to be whacking off until that last day, in a nursing home if necessary! Cheers and Happy New Year!
Al, what are the gum jobs like at the senior center?
Al, do you prefer token fans who write fake phoney sentiments or ones who will put you in your place and tell it like it is?
I'm sure the Booble mods would like to know so that they don't have to fabricate posts to make up for the insulting loud mouths.
I don't see anything made up!
I think Al has a birthday coming up? I think we need to be supportive and give as much back to him as he gave to us. That may be impossible but mark my words - nothing is forever and the day Al leaves us will be the saddest day in the world!
To all the the negative and crazymaking posts - Al was there for you and now where are you for him? How would you feel if you were seventy something? I think Al still has plenty of time to claim his greatest victory yet and a few more cheerleaders I'm sure he would appreciate. I know you would want the same if not more.
Al changed the world for the better and I believe he will outlive us all and outdo us all as well. It's just a matter of time.
Al Goldstein makes every day feel like New Years Day and this blog post is real. I dare anyone to top it. You will never know where you would be without Al's great work. Think about that and appreciate the treasure that Al is.
Spam is not real. This post is real and more is coming. I hope everyone in this blog had a Happy New Years. Remember, Al worked harder than GOD for us and that's a memory maker.
So you want to put Al in his place and tell him how it is? Treat him like a human being and write on. I'm looking forward to reading about your exciting growth oppotunities and new ideas that will add to his power base. I am thrilled that whoever reads this would be just love to be on Al's dream team.
To anonymous (4:55 p.m.) Al is real and so am I. I don't work with Booble. What will you offer Al? Are you real?
This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to help Al. Think about that before you go to bed and let's all have the best year of our life and go ALL OUT...
i'm helping al with my stories of shit play.
it's something he can draw inspiration from and jerk off to.
al still has a staff of writers working for him, except now they work for free and totally suck ass.
once in a lifetime opportunity to help al do what? what the fuck are you talking about? you going to pay a whore to suck him off?
you can say whatever you want about me but not that this blog and its comments aren't 100% real. i have no agenda other than the truth. so fuck you!
AG
Al, I just saw you in the documentary Wadd and I have to say I absolutely loved you. That was the best you ever looked in your life. I always found you despicable and your magazine revolting but I actually thought you were adorable. So eloquent and ultra cool. That was made ten years ago, I realized, and you have lost way too much weight but you're still fabulous. I saw you on another site in that same ostrich vest, you were swimming in it and it cracked me up. At least you salvaged that. Sorry about all your bad karma but at least you have paid your dues. Know you are loved in spite of yourself and have a great 2008. Kathy
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