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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

A Bevy of Bush

In our desperate need to awaken our libido and our imaginations we have to be selective in the locations where we spend our time. I love looking at women in their flip flops, painted toe nails and short skirts. The women of today all have huge tits the size of water balloons and tight foreheads thanks to Botox. I always preferred Los Angeles and Florida because it was always warm and the women are sexually provocative. New York City, where there is inclement weather, causes women to cover their most exciting parts six months out of every year.

As I approach age 72, the easiest place for me to get pussy is the senior citizens center. The problem is that the women are older than me, have less teeth and the thought of going down on a clit older than Cleopatra makes me want to regurgitate.

My favorite island of bimbos and bush is Union Square. There I not only see pussy I want to devour, but I can also buy organic food that I can eat without the nasty aftertaste. The women on the subway are bare and sweaty and I know they will taste like the trout from the Fulton Fish Market. During my heyday as publisher of Screw, I would munch on three to four women a day. In the last few years in the face of poverty and diabetes, the closest I came to that euphoria was opening a can of Chicken of the Sea. So for now, just looking will have to do.

8 Comments:

At 3:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

One out of five doctors recommend looking at beautiful women, lowers your blood pressure, and relieves your symptoms from diabetes.

 
At 10:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How sadly ironic it is that a former porn king is now doomed to watch like rank and file perverts. So you've cum full circle? Your golden years sound like a damn Twilight Zone episode. But at least a lot of new age smut is free on the web. Of course, it has destroyed the porn industry as we know it. But then your voyeur libido has a visual subsidy in this your horny swan song. I suggest Euro kink sites. Oral old country cunts rule...

 
At 11:56 AM, Blogger Mike Stewart said...

Welcome to the club old dude Al! I'm just 5 years younger than you and I can relate perfectly to all you said in this post. Old age not only ain't for sissies, it ain't for pussy eaters either unless you can find some young stuff to perform your expert "yodeling in the canyon" act on!

Thank God for fantasy and masturbation though! I still walk the streets looking at all the babes with lust, wanting to suck on those young tits and eat and fuck those tight young pussies and get sucked off by those lovely mouths...and knowing that I ain't got a fucking chance in hell of doing any of that. Just like when I was a horny teenager over 50 years ago, my fantasies and my jacking off get me through the night! Life is still good...but it could be much better! Cheers!

 
At 2:48 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

Al,

One time I fucked a can of Chicken of the Sea.

Mitch Haase

 
At 6:59 PM, Blogger DOMESTICDOMINA said...

Good puusy doesnt taste like tuna unless you are 4 days into a womens menstrual cycle...who have you been eating?

 
At 11:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Al, your most arDickulate column in ages!!

 
At 2:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you have any regrets Al?

 
At 2:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Al, did you go to hebrew school? Would you like to come for shabbos sometime?

 

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