Politicians = Hookers

The battle for who our next president will be is not just about ballots - but how much money you have in the bank. After George W. Bush’s rape of the U.S. Constitution, our civil liberties and belief in free choice and democracy – my theory that all politicians are hookers has been further proved yet again. Whether Republican, Democrat or of a different species, the politician has one intention: to gain power by any means necessary. If we voted on cock size, Hillary Clinton would win because of her famous nine-inch clit.

The content of ideology is a myth, and so is the idea that policy has any meaning. Integrity and honesty are even a more mythical and a mirage-like fantasy to these disease-ridden politicos.

I am a Korean War veteran and hated everything that Richard Milhous Nixon stood for. In particular, I hated when he beat Helen Douglas for Congress in 1950, because this is what paved his career to eternal damnation. Of course, all of Nixon’s self deceptions culminated in Watergate. But this type of behavior is not unusual in politicians and should not be considered a flaw because one of my favorite presidents was Franklin Delano Roosevelt whose actions in World War II were documented in a one-hour special on the History Channel that I watched last night. FDR made false commitments with England’s Winston Churchill because he knew he had to be an ally, or Hitler and Germany would have won. He blatantly lied to the American public so that he would be re-elected in 1940. Another one of my favorites, who lied about many things, but most spectacularly, his liaison with Monica Lewinsky, was William Jefferson Clinton. The honesty of our presidents and politicians is as relevant as the purity and sexual chastity of women working in a hore house.

Speaking of a woman’s chastity the best sex in the world is with a nun. When you are with a nun and enter the portals of her pleasure zone, knowing you are the first person to set foot (or tongue) on such hallowed ground is indeed thrilling. But for me the most exciting sexual partners are politicians, and this is one of the reasons I am running for office. I recently saw a photo of Condoleezza Rice and viewed her as a turn-on. Even more exciting was the picture I saw of Nancy Pelosi with her legs crossed and thin ankles showing. I dreamed of burrowing my head into her vagina as her legs were wrapped around my neck. I would not want to have sex with Elizabeth Edwards because I would be afraid that she would die of cancer in the throes of her passionate orgasm - I couldn't deal with that kind of guilt. I would have sex with Hillary Clinton even though I find her a bit too chunky and as masculine as some guys in many ways. The good news for Hillary is that she would have her first orgasm since before marrying Bill. And since we all know that Bill never went down on her, my tongue will be a very welcome guest.