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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The Big D

In my travels all over the world, last week I went to Texas for the first time to publicize my autobiography ‘I, Goldstein’. The greatest topless club in the world called The Lodge picked up the tab and I have never been treated so well by its owners.

Seeing the book depository in Dealy Plaza was the most thrilling part of the trip and looking out the window where Oswald shot JFK. I always felt JFK deserved it because he was fucking every girl he could and was involved with the mafia. The mafia got him elected by fixing ballots in Chicago and his brother was a piece of shit.

Dallas is a great town and I would love to work here. Good news is I was offered a job in a bordello in Nevada and I may take it but not sure if the guy is serious. A sex tabloid printed in Dallas also had a feature article about Linnea Quiqley who was the best woman I have ever know, aside from my second wife Mary. This was an added treat.

One thing that stuck me while hanging out at The Lodge at night was the general lack of connection at topless clubs. These are some of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. But I am as unconnected to them as I am in a garage with a Bentley or Rolls Royce that is not mine and cannot drive. The girls are so wonderfully programmed. They way they hug and smile is perfect. Every guy puts a dollar in the girls g-string. Men are predictable and can be played like an accordion and the women are great actresses. The guys get stroked and feel special and the woman makes money, which she probably gives to her longhaired hippie boyfriend. I am bored out of my mind but the food is wonderful.

11 Comments:

At 8:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Way to go al!

I'm happy for you!

If the brothel job in Nevada is for real I say go for it. You will add class and style to any place that hires you!

 
At 2:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How dare you put down the mob, Al. There would have been no porn biz without them and you would have become just another Jew who couldn't get laid like you are now. As for the Kennedy brothers from Beantown, they were killed because they didn't want us in Viet Nam, unlike other war whore Presidents. You go down south to be ass kissed and turn into a redneck. By the way, Nevada is becoming an unsafe state like the old wild west. Cops give bogus traffic tickets and shoot to kill at the slightest offense. Pass on the Sin City gig. It was a better resort way back when it was run by the mob. LOL!

 
At 3:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad you were treated as the King of Porn as you so richly deserve. Should have named your book, 'The Curse of Goldstein'...love, Marcia

 
At 4:53 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

Al,

You goddamn right JFK deserved it.

Mitch Haase

 
At 5:23 PM, Blogger Al Goldstein said...

Brothel boy,
Speaking of brothels, Dennis Hof and his sleazy whore house are pimples on the face of humanity. I hope that Dennis’ diabetes result in the amputation of his toes, feet and legs. He should die a slow, pain-filled delivery to the devil. He is a liar, an oaf and a despicable facsimile of a human being. For all his earnings he doesn’t have one real friend.
AG

 
At 9:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know Dennis better than I do, clown prince of porn.

 
At 9:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And another thing, I will take that as a recommendation NOT to go to the Bunny Ranch, should I find myself in Nevada and looking to get laid.

 
At 2:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dennis Hof was very nice to me and Veronica when we went to work and write a story about his lovely whores and classy establishment. I'd recommend getting your pipes cleaned at The Bunny Ranch anytime. Clitoria

 
At 8:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you gonna be the guy with the cum bucket and mop?

 
At 6:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The bunny ranch is a rip off. You can have 2 high class hookers in NY or LA for half of what a trip to Denis Hof's will cost you. Of course, you might not be on HBO, but you will have more money in your pocket, which means you will be able to afford more sex.

 
At 11:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ho ranches are for losers who have to pay to play. I'd rather nut in my Jewish wife's mouth three times a day for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She likes to eat oral sex food. And I make sure she's well fed and nourished. Hot porno Jewesses in love with jizz include Barbie Dahl, C.J. Laing, Alexis Firestone, Merle Michaels and Cindy Shepard. Google them. And have some kleenex handy.

 

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