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Monday, November 14, 2005

Al Goldstein to the World: What Goes Around Comes Around!

Zebra Getting Fucked

I prefer the animal kingdom to the world of humans. After religiously watching Animal Planet I am immersed in the activities of anacondas, crocs, lions, black widows, cobras and a whole host of denizens of the wild. Whether via poison, constriction, jaw power and lethal biting I find an honesty in hippos and sharks' attempts at survival. There is very little guile and no verbal deception. There is no hypocrisy in the face of the hunter and the hunted. Prey must avoid the teeth of the predator. Darwin's hypothesis about survival of the fittest is the operative construct. There is the absence of the appearance of civility. Instead, there is the cruel honesty of basic truths. Instead of a dishonest "reality" that cloaks the lies and hypocrisies of human discourse and conduct, the animal world is brutal but ruthlessly uncorrupted by sham and skullduggery. The false facade of "friendship," the manipulation of matrimony and the back stabbing of human conduct is absent. Eat or be eaten. Devour or be devoured.

After almost 70 years of life I have experienced the lies of living. This is why in 1968 I founded Screw Magazine. I learned at the tender young age of 32 that in this life you either screw or get screwed. I also thought the world of pornography and prostitution was straightforward and honest. If there is one aspect of our lives that is rife with lies and deceit, it's our relations with the opposite sex. While everyone was up in arms about foppish Hugh Grant's illicit blow job from a Hollywood hooker, I wasn't. That's cash for services, no strings attached, no excuses, no misunderstandings. It made perfect sense to me. (I was more schocked at how his girlfriend, Elizabeth Hurley, reacted with disdain. Why?! That's one less blow job she had to deliver.)

Before I leave "this mortal coil" I have a compendium of the bullshit we are drowning in, a quicksand of the false and the phony, which I will deliver in pieces on this blog in the coming months.

22 Comments:

At 2:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is NO WAY Al Goldstein wrote that rubbish

 
At 12:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you know Al, and I do, you would know there is no way he did not write it.

 
At 3:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know Al well enough to know that the reason he lost everyting, was not because of the "internet" as he has been stating. When I left SCREW (yes I worked there for many years)we were taking in roughly 14-20k a week in advertising dollars. (yes, we were taking in much more in previous years) The cost to run the magazine was far less than that. Al was spending money faster than he could make it. But I will say this.. he always made sure his staff was paid regardless.. thats one thing I can honestly say... he did try to put his staff first

 
At 5:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WHERE'S THE SEX? Top ten, quarts of cum, and sweet sexy sweat or is that sweaty sweet sex or sexy sweaty sweets? Anyways, please tell us more ribald tales from the Goldstein crypt. I do love the political rants, but add some groping and grunting.

 
At 2:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey clown prince of porn, are you okay? when will you write your next piece.

 
At 4:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

al? where you at, buddy?
hope you are well.

 
At 5:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

maybe clown prince of porn is homeless again. did anybody check the starbucks to see if he is there?

 
At 11:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

maybe al got a job...a blowjob that is! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

 
At 1:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello

 
At 1:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Al Goldstein

 
At 1:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

how are you?

 
At 10:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anyone know what the hell happened to our former "fat boy"? Where ya been Alvin?

 
At 5:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

maybe al's angry with us and so therefore we are getting the silent treatment.

 
At 5:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want you to know al, I had nothing to do with it!

 
At 6:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whoever this Anonymous bastard is, he's to blame for why Al is giving us the silent treatment!

 
At 5:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

maybe al got a job...a blowjob that is! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

A blowjob is better than a regular job

 
At 7:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

[img]al_header.gif[/img]

 
At 5:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

[img]al_header.gif[/img]

 
At 2:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

somebody give Al Goldstein an Internet connection for Christmas.

 
At 7:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So what's going on with Al? He moved and now he doesn't have internet service? What did he move into a cave in Afghanistan? He lives in New York for christ sakes,you would think the whole city is wired for the internet!

But yet I don't blame Al, I blame the generation gap between Al Goldstein and the internet and computers and DSL and High broadband cable bullshit and ipods and imacs and imacminis and most of all the "online pornographers" who put al out of business in the first place.

I hope al comes back soon!

 
At 5:38 AM, Blogger Dee Jour said...

you know what Anon? I don't give a flying fuck, the above post made me laugh, simply because truths feature: in the US, people make a big deal about Hugh Grant, Janet Jackson's nipple and Christ, in Australia we've been using words like condom, penis and dick (as well as showing naked breasts on free to air television) and this hasn't caused a disaster, but what the post actually points out are the absurdities that exist in a nation that makes billions from sex alone but lives in public denial (its government, it's secret voyeur Christian groups etc).

 
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