The Aging Penis
The other day I was jerking off and I just stopped because my hand fell asleep. It was boring.
Does an old cock get grey hair? I know my cock needs a cane and will eventually need a wheelchair. In most cases an aging penis is probably going to retire to a senior citizens home. Now that I am a 72 year old diabetic Jew whose body is like the a crumbling Twin Tower before it crashes to the ground I have to admit that age has decimated my body, soul and what is left of my mind. I take ten meds including Metaformin, Cozar, Lipitor, Lamictal, Metoprolol. And for my proclivity for suicide – Lithium, Valium and Fluoxetine. My supply of vitamins and herbs include Fish Oil, Flax Seed Oil, Vitamin C a multivitamin, vitamin D, calcium plus D, magnesium, vitamin B complex, b-6, b-12.
I am a walking drug store. And in spite of my ingestion of pharmaceuticals I am still rotting and dying and decomposing. Getting old not only permeates my whole body and requires an arsenal of meds to stave off my mortality but it is truly hopeless when it comes to the death of my male organ. My cock was once a proud sword that I used to impale a woman on - but now it is a broken toothpick. This was illustrated last week when I tried to masturbate. Although I used to jerk off two to three times a day in my younger days, today my cock is essentially useless. Today, when my cock gets blood in its passageway, it’s not horniness but impending rigormortis.
Like George Burns who died at 100, my cock is no longer an ember of beauty but a coffin for the fantasies I once actually lived (see photo above). It is nothing but a limp piece of meat waiting for some bird to chomp it off. The only rebuke to nature is that I still have a tongue and that my taste for cunt and ass is a just as powerful as it is for peanut butter ice cream
I had sex or ate out more than 7000 women but in the last five year I have had as much pussy as the pope. But the only thing old men like me are good for is ordering a second dessert.
posted by Al Goldstein @ 7:54 AM
30 comments
30 Comments:
Readers?
How can we help Al revitalize his love life?
How can Al go without sex when he is Gods gift to sex?
Any thoughts?
M
Al, have you tried viagra? Or will this conflict with your other meds? Priapus lives!
you can put an ad on match.com for me and monitor it
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ooooh poor Al,
That's one of my biggest fears, that the equipment will let me down at a respectable age. I feel deeply sorry for you Al ,that it has come to tis. If I was living in New York I would hire a nice hooker. Maybe that's not such a bad idea people! If we all cash in we probably could hire some great hooker. Help Al revitalize his love life! At least dor that one time.
Good luck to you al.
Freak Heintz
Ooooh poor Al,
That's one of my biggest fears, that the equipment will let me down at a respectable age. I feel deeply sorry for you Al ,that it has come to tis. If I was living in New York I would hire a nice hooker. Maybe that's not such a bad idea people! If we all cash in we probably could hire some great hooker. Help Al revitalize his love life! At least dor that one time.
Good luck to you al.
Freak Heintz
Have you tried craigslist?
Last August, Gary Coleman married a woman half his age:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/showbiz/showbiznews.html?in_article_id=514155&in_page_id=1773
If he can do that, Al's got plenty to hope for.
who needs the penis you've got your tongue and hands. Where's the best place to get a knish in NYC? Do you like Yonah Schimmel's on Houston?
Dear Al,
Please tell us about this picture? It's hot.
Who are these two women?
Did you have sex with both of them?
Did the one talking to you just give you a blow job? Her tits are making me stand on my head. Any nude or hardcore shots of these two. Al, your a winner every time - with or without the women.
Where are they now? Please let me know if you stayed in touch with them? I mean you still need hair cuts...
I love your pictures so much. I wake up every morning looking forward to more.
And, your life is so much more than a fantasy.
Al, you spent time with the hottest women in the world and you will again...
M
Al, you'll die quicker turning your body into a drug store than if you used the web to research your conditions and get a better health education.
Fruit and veggies, the minerals potassium and magnesium and exercise help treat neurosis and old age. Synthetic drugs unnatural or manmade are toxic.
Wisdom is something you learn for yourself despite the bought and sold opinions of expert doc drug pushers not well versed in preventative medicine.
Alvin, Jdate has lots of lonely well to do Jewish singles. And she who has never been satisfied will treat you like a prince if you break her orgasmic virginity.
All you must do is rethink your unrealistic standards, check your ego and find what you can get. It's never too late to get shot by cupid and let your tongue lead the way.
Fress, Al, fress! Yum-yum-yum. The dough will eventually rise.
yeah, no shit al. stop the incessant whining and start internet dating.
somewhere out there is an elderly jewess who would love some old man cock.
you can put the ad on match.com for yourself alvin. if you can blog, you can internet date.
Goldstein always knows the brest places to go for a shampoo.
Al, like most successful men, has never really left the id stage. He's so seflish and egotistical that he can't even appreciate the charmed life that he once lead without crying over his humble, down to earth and limp present.
Approaching old age and death after some 7K porn conquests, he still must be a greedy sexual glutton. The price of living large was that he had to pay his way through relationships and never found love. And he never will.
I, too, have read about those comments regarding Al Goldstein's alleged selfish and egotistical nature, but those traits seem to be common ones among most of those entrepreneurial types whom I met in my life. However, you have to thank Al for posting that photo of himself getting a shampoo from two topless women. That photo is pure 1970s vintage...if you know what I mean! I can recall what it was like to be in Manhattan during the 1970s before it was gentrified, yuppiefied and sanitized. Manhattan had more swingers then and it was not uncommon for someone like Al to encourage his gal pals to go topless.
What is sad is that even if Al had managed to retain a sizeable fraction of the wealth he once possessed he wouldn't be able to meet the kind of girls in Manhattan who'd be willing to walk around topless.21st century Manhattan seems to be populated by female yuppies whose wardrobes include solid gold chastity belts.
Haven't you heard? The western world is in 3rd world invasion freefall. The 60s, 70s and 80s were the height of the US empire. We've been in serious decay mode for at least a decade now.
Younger generation should thank God that they got Al to tell them all about a glorious past they diss but will never know as we're lead to hell in a handbasket and the US falls to end days ruin.
7000 women? God damn Al. You're right up there with Gene Simmons.
To Youcanhandlethetruth:
Speaking of economic decline New York City's own economic decline went into second gear when the financial services industry shed itself of all of those high-paying job positions during the late 1980s. In addition many large and mid-size companies relocated to other regions of the U.S. during that period.
As far as SCREW was concerned I noticed that many of the newsstands, kiosks and magazine stores that were located in Penn Station stopped selling that newspaper around late 1988. Meanwhile, the mom & pop video stores that were located throughout N.Y.C.'s five borough started to go out of business around early 1989. The mom & pop video stores were the places to go to rent the X rated VHS tapes.
The vast majority of those stores are about as common as the topless bars that used to located in pre-Ghouliani New York.
Right wing politico powers that be got rid of NY porn and replaced it with 9/11. Little did they know, if porn's exiled behind a PC we don't leave it to get laid. And we then don't have enough kids and get outpopulated by unassimilating, disloyal immigrants, lose our soverignty and culture, and turn into a 3rd world hell hole country.
So Al and his fans have just reason to revel in the past. This country is dying. The old school folks know it and the rest of us are in denial. So it's not so much of a generation gap thing to live in the past. The only thing good about the 21st century is free porn and video games. Take us back to the 70s, Goldstein. Old is gold.
al,
what do you think of all this horse shit?
i look at the comments here and all i see is whining commie pussies living in the past.
for fuck's sake al, post a photo of your shorn scrotum and maybe these morons will shut up.
I prefer looking at vintage porn instead of gaping at some guy's scrotum.
As for those people who prefer to look at other guys' scrotums they can always check out the kind of porn that's offered for sale at Ebay's mature section. It seems that a lot of amateur porn is offered for sale. I'm willing to bet that there are some people who are compelled to sell their X-rated home movies in order to meet their monthly mortgage payments.
PM, bite your tongue, fool. Al shares similar politics to many of the morons of which you speak. You're no real smut fan. Al is an icon of free speech who won't censor fans to the whims of right wing scum.
All collectivists are limp-wristed faggots.
You mean like Larry Craig and all the Reps in Congress's Club GOPed who "collect" pages and young pretty boys?
collectivists are people who are too lazy to make it on their own.
Screw Harvard Law
Father of Porn Renounces Son, Blames Harvard
Published On 2/27/2003 12:00:00 AM
By SAMUEL A.S. CLARK
Crimson Staff Writer
After having not been invited to his only son’s graduation from Harvard Law School (HLS) last June, porn purveyor Al Goldstein, publisher of SCREW magazine, has pleaded guilty to harassing and stalking one of his four ex-wives, served 10 days in Rikers Island prison in New York City on unrelated charges and accused his son, Jordan Ari Goldstein, of stealing $880,000 worth of watches from him. “Truthfully I am a broken man,” he tells FM during a phone interview. “My son made me a broken man.”
Al Goldstein has enjoyed notoriety since the late 1960s, when he began to publish SCREW magazine, almost six years before Hustler emerged on the adult literature scene. SCREW, a once nationally published magazine which will celebrate its 35th anniversary this year, prides itself on its political satire and raunchy photos. SCREW has published interviews with John Lennon and Yoko Ono, Jack Nicholson and other stars (though most are preceded by the prefix porn). However, SCREW’s true claim to fame is its willingness to push the limits of printed pornography. Its best-selling issue was in 1973 when it printed nude photos of former first lady Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis and sold 530,000 copies for 75 cents an issue.
For his role in helping to pioneer the adult entertainment industry, Goldstein himself has been featured in numerous publications, such as the New York Times Magazine and The Miami Herald, and has appeared on Court TV’s “The Johnny Cochran Show” and Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show” among others.
More recently, however, Goldstein has received more attention from the law. On May 5, 2002, he was sentenced to 60 days in jail for leaving threatening and obscene messages on the answering machine of a former employee who he claims embezzled over $130,000 dollars from his company. In an interview before the trial, Goldstein told AVN Insider, an online trade publication for the pornography industry, that he was not afraid of prison. “I would like to find a big black guy and be his woman. I would like him to be a career criminal with a good night job. Prison doesn’t mean shit to me,” he said. Since then, Goldstein has changed his tune somewhat after serving only 10 days of his 60-day sentence at Rikers Island. “It was a horror,” Goldstein tells FM. “It was worse than any third world country. They performed surgery on me, the D.A. of Brooklyn [Charlie Hynes] told the correctionals that I would leave Rikers Island in a pine box.”
On January 9, 2003, Goldstein was pulled off a plane after he made sexual remarks to an airport security worker. According to the police report, Goldstein asked the employee, “Are you a real blond?” and also said, “If you and me were to have sex, I would want you to keep your uniform on.” No charges were brought against Goldstein.
Five days later however, he pleaded guilty to three counts of aggravated harassment and one count of stalking in a suit brought by his ex-wife Gena Goldstein, mother to Jordan. In court, Al Goldstein admitted to making obscene phone calls to his ex-wife and asking readers of SCREW and viewers of his X-rated cable television show to call her. “My son’s mother is a contemptible vagina,” says Goldstein. Gena Goldstein reported that she received 13 harassing telephone calls after the publication of her number.
After taking on various government officials in defense of First Amendment rights, Goldstein turned his vicious tongue against his own family because he was not invited to his son Jordan’s graduation from HLS. Goldstein blames his ex-wife and the influence of Harvard itself for his exclusion. “Harvard is a disgrace. It took a perfectly normal son that I was proud of and turned him into an [expletive] unworthy son.”
When speculating why he was not invited, Goldstein says that during Jordan’s childhood, “my son knew who I was. But I guess he thought I was some sort of king [just not a porn king].” Goldstein says that he and Jordan had had a very close relationship. He read his son John Stuart Mill while growing up and fed him on Libertarian values. In addition, he said that he had bought Jordan a gift worth $10,000 every year, that Jordan had never had to work and that he had paid for all of Jordan’s education. After Jordan graduated first in his class from Georgetown, he received a full scholarship to NYU, but Goldstein offered to pay his entire tuition so that he could attend Harvard. “I was very supportive,” says Goldstein, “I was very proud.”
Goldstein no longer thinks of his son in such positive terms. On his magazine’s web site, Goldstein has compiled a slide show of digitally altered photographs of his son, which can be accessed through a link entitled “See what Jordan Goldstein does best.” The photographs depict the younger Goldstein performing graphic sexual acts with other men and farm animals as well as mutating into the Incredible Hulk.
During the interview Goldstein also accused his son of stealing $880,000 worth of watches from him. “My son is a despicable watch thief. He has broken me and Harvard should be ashamed of itself. Yale was the smart one, they turned him down.” He used the issue of the missing watches to explain his guilty plea of in the trial last January: “I don’t have $50,000 for the trial, and I am frankly exhausted. I pleaded guilty because I will not get jail time and the humiliation of Harvard-bred Jordan Ari Goldstein has so broken my heart. And I have no money. If my son did not steal my watches I would have money for the trial.”
Jordan Goldstein, who now works at Wachtell, Lipton, Rosen & Katz in New York City, refused to comment on why his father was excluded from his graduation and other questions in regards to their relationship, except to deny his father’s allegations.
In a parting offer of advice to future First Amendment advocates Goldstein says, “Follow what Al Goldstein has done, fight for freedom and do not have children.” In a parting offer of advice to Harvard students who may become like his son, Goldstein says, “someone should shoot you in the head.”
http://www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=291615
'Ayep, matey...
Christ shall fix her up!!!'
cries cap'n Ahab.
'Let thee sail beyond the stars
at a whipper-snapper 21.
Yoo bd bomb, baby'
I'll pray for you
so one day we
will meet in
Seventh-Heaven.
God bless your indelible soul.
No, bro, Im not from this world.
My home is in Seventh-Heaven.
Care to join me?
God bless your indelible soul.
PS... dijoo realize, pops?
Prooo'bly not.
I met a JOOOOO!! today at my
Catholic worship service
(Good Friday).
She was kick-some-ass.
How I love Jews.
Most of em dont got no #@!!° idea.
Precisely why I love them.
Maybe you should convert ..??
I got that same problem, too:
my kok just will NOT rise when
it's called after yeeers N yeeers
of doing the five-finger-handjob.
Que cera cera.
Leave this world.
Become a Christian.
God bless your indelible soul.
Make Your Choice -SAW
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