Deadbeats of the World, Unite!
GOLDSTEIN, THE P.I.M.P.
I owe everyone and I owe no one. To break the chains of bondage in a capitalistic society is to be so bankrupt and so saturated by poverty that you have no more to lose. It is not unlike waking up as a nappy-haired black man and looking at the reflection of the new you in the mirror and realizing that you are white and going to lunch at the Harvard club. Except for me, it’s the other way around.
In this new discovered aura of personal freedom I wear clothes from the Salvation Army, depend on handouts from friends and the McDonald’s dollar menu for food.
When you are devoid of assets, property and businesses - credit card companies and society will treat you worse than a syph –laden whore. Because I owe every department store, record & book club, credit card company, Con Ed, Verizon, Time Warner and Bell South I am like a freed slave.
We pay our bills out of fear that society will crush us with bad credit report ratings but my credit is so bad at 72 it doesn’t matter. It reminds me of the line from the great Kris Kristofferson and Janis Joplin song: “you are free when you have nothing more to lose.”
They can’t put me behind bars because they no longer have debtors prison. And not paying all my past debts is the ultimate revenge. Unlike shylock in the merchant of Venice all they can take is my pound of flesh. I feel justified in striking back in the same way that my wives robbed me, in particular Christine whose farts smelled worse than her integrity. My deadbeat son had the audacity to have me spend over a million on Georgetown, Oxford, Harvard and still not invite me to his graduation. Since I cannot get back at my sons or wives or banks directly I get back at the corporations who attempt to screw us everyday. I can wish doom and gloom on corporate America. I can only kvell at today’s sub-prime mortgage fiasco. Vote for me, the Deadbeat candidate for President.
posted by Al Goldstein @ 6:25 PM
28 comments
28 Comments:
Al, How did a whiny pussy such as yourself become so successful?
Looks like Al went apeshit with a Bedazzler on one of his Salvation Army jackets.
Speaking of debts what is the current status of SCREW magazine? I was told that the people who had published SCREW from 2004 until mid 2007 were generating a lot of red ink as a result. Will the latest owners of your former brainchild actually put out a single issue by the end of this year or this decade...or this century?
anonymous,
I can't speak as authoritatively on this topic as Al can, but I have heard essentially the same thing: Screw is losing money no matter whose hands it's in. For whatever reason, it seems Screw was never able to transition over and into the digital age. It's almost like The Goldstein curse has been reversed.
Also, if my memory serves me right, Al wasn't even allowed to hold on to any of his back issues (please correct me if I'm wrong here). That means all the old, hard-to-find classic issues might very well be flushed down the memory hole for good.
Face it Al, for all your stories of glory days past, all you ever were was a whore. You were no different from the ex-wives you incessantly piss and moan about.
The most dangerous creation of any society is the man who has nothing to lose.
jesus al, lighten up.
saying corporations are evil is what i'd expect from a politician, not the world's funniest pornographer.
have a little perspective for christ's sake.
Corporation ARE evil, but so does everybody else. What you gonna do about it?
To Warren Peace: I've been told that SCREW's offices were pilfered around the time that Al Goldstein's version of our former favorite newspaper ceased publication. Many of the bound volumes of SCREW were appropriated by various people, and the current SCREW owners/publishers would love to get their hands on them. Nonetheless, I have gathering my own collection of old SCREW issues by purchasing them on Ebay. My collection consists of those issues ranging from #4 through #202, #204-#501 and #515 through #710. I also have other issues as well but those which were published during the 1990s seems to be rarer than those which were published during the 1990s.
I should correct myself by saying that I own individual copies--and not the bound volumes--of SCREW. However, I am currently xeroxing the various pages of some of those old issues in order to preserve them for posterity.
Corporations are not evil, nor are they good. Human beings are good and evil.
It was evil, when the Supreme Court in 1871, gave corporations rights as if they were living entities.
Tear down all corporate shields and watch freedom for humans return.
Al, I hope your current journey is at least interesting.
with all the corporation bashing in here it sounds like al's fanboys are a bunch of communist hippies.
i'm waiting for the next ignorant bastard to say that money is the root of all evil.
"i'm waiting for the next ignorant bastard to say that money is the root of all evil."
And, thanks to you, I've stopped waiting on next ignorant bastard to misquote the Bible. It's the love of money that is the root of all evil, not money itself.
Of course, calling capitalism merely evil would be a grotesque understatement. It is a wretched, sinister pestilence masquerading as an economic/political system that has left more corpses scattered across the globe than any other ideology.
One of the greatest blessings Jews have bestowed upon mankind is Communism, and the non-Jewish majority of planet earth will continue to suffer until that socioeconomic structure of beliefs is fully embraced.
Hey Imagine, don't let your headlamp batteries die out as you explore your asshole. Then visit North Korea or Cuba.
"Money is the material shape of the principal that any who wish to deal with one another must deal by trade and give value for value. Money is not the tool of the moochers, who claim your product by tears, or of the looters, who take it from you by force. Money is made possible by the men who produce...Man's mind is the root of all the goods produced and of all the wealth that has ever existed on earth." -Ayn Rand, "The Meaning of Money" from FOR THE NEW INTELLECTUAL
The Love of Money is the Root of all Good.
[Ayn Rand, the Champion of Capitalism, aka Alisa ROSENBAUM, was of Jewish parents]
Al Goldstein was a Captain of Industry who sailed his ship - Screw Magazine - onto the reefs. It happens all the time. Schultz of Starbucks is now rethinking his franchises' food offerings since corporate earning are down.
Al, stop the bitching & whining, dust yourself off, and get back on the horse.
Imagine there's no incentive
It's easy if you try
No capitalists below us
Above us only Stalin
Imagine all the people
Living for the state...
Imagine there's no currency
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to spend or pay for
And no free expression too
Imagine all the people
Living life in chains...
You may say I'm a commie
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be without freedom
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
Food lines and hunger
Tiered classes of man
Imagine all the tyrants
Ruling all the world...
You may say I'm a commie
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be without freedom
Al,
I agree with George. Dust yourself off and get on with it. So what if it's smaller and less financially rewarding than the past.
At least you got to experience a life most people will never know and contribute more to society than most people ever will.
The flaming commumists in here are more insane than the cocksucking faggots I trip over every morning going to work.
Mitch Haase
Hey Mitch. Ferchrissakes man! Go to the spectacles doctor and get your prescription changed already! Stop bothering the faggots with your clumsiness.
Two wrongs don't make a right, grandpa prez.
Al, I didn't know you were a Mickey D's Dollar Menunaire!
That's poison food that will kill you the same as booze or drugs.
Can't find a juicy pussy to eat? Cunt juices to keep you alive?
georgetheatheist,
Just a couple of comments.
North Korea (DPRK) is only "communist" in name, but most definitely not in practice. The core ideology is called "Juche," which is a brutal cult-of-personality dictatorship (essentially a religious cult), the diametric opposite of socialism. If Trotsky were alive today in Korea, he would most definitely be trying to inspire revolution against the current "communist" government.
Cuba suffers primarily from the brutal sanctions imposed on them from the US. Those sanctions have done nothing but keep Castro in power, while simultaneously punishing the innocent Cuban people. Even still, Cuba enjoys a free health care system, one vastly superior to the US's. See Michael Moore's video Sicko.
Now, I've never been to Cuba or the DPRK, but I have been to China. I can assure you, from first hand experience, that while you're sitting around quoting the irrelevant Ayn Rand, the Chinese are openly discussing which sections of the United States they hope their grandchildren will be living in. Right on state-controlled news, they laugh about how the greedy American capitalists give away American jobs to the Chinese. These people don't think they're going to overtake the US, they know it's going to happen. It's only a matter of time.
If you think I'm just making this stuff up, check out this short video clip, made by the Chinese, and prepare your children and grandchildren for their new masters:
http://www.atomfilms.com/film/haha_america.jsp
imagine,
name one medical breakthrough created in a communist state.
oh yeah, cuba's medical system is so much better than the USA's in every way. you know it's true because michael moore said so. go try it out for yourself and get back to me.
let the chinese laugh all they want in their cess pool cities and polluted waters. you can laugh with the falun gong and tibetans as they are tortured and killed over religion and politics.
let them laugh all day long, it doesn't matter. evil never prevails.
over 100 million people have been killed in the name of communism:
http://www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog/COUBLA.html
don't preach to me about health care when you sympathize with history's greatest mass murderers.
Comrades,
Did somebody write something negative ? I, of course can see past such childish behavior, but I worry about the hurtful effects these "negative comments" will have on the masses. For ours is a workers paradise with your dear leader being your humble servant, father, educator, lecturer and guide. I am so privileged to represent the enlightened. So please no more negative comments. And in closing please feel free to visit my neighborhood anytime, it is truly a workers paradise, despite what Fox News says.
Your Comrade,
Dear Leader
P.S. Al, I like blonds too!
Imagine, Dictator of the Proletariat:
Cuba's health care system is so sterling that when Castro got sick, they had to fly in the doctor from Spain with medical equipment.
name one communist country that would have allowed al to create screw magazine and insult the government on midnight blue?
I don't about the rest of you, but I feel like shit!
Al, sorry I threw you in jail all those years ago, but you shouldn't have looked at me like that!
The Feeling Like Shit Dept:
I wish I could go to the U.S. for my health care. Maybe I should have been nicer to Kennedy.
"imagine,
name one medical breakthrough created in a communist state."
Looney Bin,
OK, since you asked nicely, read up on Cuba's meningitis vaccine, the best in the world:
UK seeks Cuban meningitis secret
Meningitis B: Cuba's Got the Vaccine—Why Don't We?
World Recognizes Cuban Medicine
Cuban vaccine hailed as a major breakthrough in biotechnology
Cuba also has a phenomenal hepatitis B vaccine, but since you only asked for one, I'll stop here.
Viva la revolucion!
Imagine, pathethic leftist loser.
The South African government brought Cuban doctors in to handle the population's medical needs. Los Medicos Cubanos treated a patient's goiter by cutting his neck open instead of treating the condition THROUGH the throat.
Vaunted Cuban medical care?
Shit on la Revoluccion.
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