I Will Eat Bush’s Lunch in 2008!

Ed. note - Yes, Al Goldstein is running for President. This blog will now function as a platform for his political views and policies. Please visit www.goldstein08.com and this site for updates.

Sometimes, when driving in your car, a truly horrible smell permeates your vehicle and then your nostrils. It is obviously a recently killed skunk and your olfactory facilities are as offended as when you smell really dirty feet or an asshole that has not been properly wiped. When this happens again, you may be surprised to notice something else. You could be in the presence of our president George W. Bush. This former coke addict, alcoholic and possible bi-sexual stole his first and possibly second election like Willie Sutton stole money from banks.

Our president, right before our eyes, is raping the Justice Department along with his bozo flunkies Alberto Gonzales and wigger-wannabee Karl Rove, who traumatically proved that whites should never, ever dance. Rove should be sent hunting with Dick Cheney as punishment for his grotesque groove and never be allowed to touch a basketball – ever. On the dance floor Rove looks like a combination of Charlie McCarthy and Howdy Doody. He was as inappropriate showing us his dancing skills as he is showing us his dangerous foreign policy. While Rove dances like a buffoon, our boys are dying every day in Iraq and Afghanistan.

If elected, I promise you that I will never set foot on a dance floor or a basketball court. I am simply an old Jew with no sense of rhythm but enough sense to not bomb another country on the pretense of a mysterious danger to us. Bush is still looking for those famous weapons of mass destruction along with OJ Simpson seeking the killer of his wife.

Bush’s shit encrusted asshole and his lack of hygiene has produced the same smell of garbage and disintegration that emanates from our beat-up and stamped-on Constitution, our Bill of Rights and the Freedoms that once made America such a great country. From stem cell research to the FBI spying on law abiding citizens, to the corruption that makes every patriotic American like you and I want to regurgitate; Bush’s turds are like his policies – corny, twisted and compacted.

In the same way we use toilet paper for to rid ourselves of dingleberries, the last mid-term election cleansed our country of a Republican congress. This is why I am running for president in 2008. Like a surgeon removing a tumor or cancer, I hope to cleanse the White House of the stench of rape, distortion and lies of the last seven years.