Porn King on Netflix

Sorry for the lapse in blogs. I have been going through some rough times.

Some good news for you though. The brilliant documentary about me called Porn King: The Trials of Al Goldstein is on Netflix. You can also search for it by searching for "Midnight Blue" for some dumb reason.

www.netflix.com
search "midnight blue"

http://www.netflix.com/Movie/Midnight_Blue/70050880?trkid=222336&lnkctr=srchrd-sr&strkid=551231707_0_0

As my minions, I order you to then give the film a five star review on the Netflix site after you watch it. Or don't rent it and give it a great review anyway. Either way I don't care.

This film will give you 80 minutes of me at my best and will hold you over until I unleash my next booble-barage of blogs.

Until then.

FUCK YOU!

Kisses,

Al

Linda Lovelace

Here I am sitting in a fucking senior citizen center in Ozone Fucking Park, Queens. I am like a pachyderm, returning to his place of birth to die in the sun on a lonely savanna. Ozone Park is like my old neighborhood and it sucks dick! I can't believe that I went from Park Avenue townhouse to a one bedroom shit hole in Ozone Park... I am so close to JFK airport that I can see the passengers on 747's as they whiz by!

Any way, I was jerking off the other day thinking about my Linda Lovelace blowjob.

Her husband was her manager and he was happy (a happy cuckold?) to bring Linda in to suck my skinny Jew cock in order to get some publicity. In those days, pornos were of homemade quality usually and the popularity of Linda's film "Deep Throat" was an amazing feat! It spread like wildfire, by word of mouth, and became an overnight mainstream phenomenon.

So, Linda arrived at my Manhattan office one bright afternoon as I wolfed down a pastrami sandwich (fatty pastrami, please. "Oh, Al! I love your mag and I just stopped by to thank you for all of the great publicity you have given me!" She was nothing special to look at. An ordinary soccer Mom. Like a Sarah Palin but not as hot!

I wiped my chin of the oozing mustard and pastrami and welcomed Linda and her cuckold husband to my domain. She instantly began to rub my tiny Jew snake over my pants and made my weenie wiggle! Within seconds she unzipped my pants, pulled them down to my ankles, tore off my stinky bloomers, and used her famous lips to consume my cock in one easy gulp.

To be honest with you, it was a quick one! Imagine getting blown by the Monica Lewinsky of her time! (I say that only because of the Watergate-era phrase "Deep Throat" which was coined after her then popular porn film!) I blew a load in seconds! It was such power to be blown by Linda Lovelace that I just could not hold it in! I had my staff photographers take a few shots AFTER I blew my load because it happened so fast ! I had no time to get LIVE shots!

Let me tell you scumbags something - that blowjob was about 40 years ago .. Linda is dead (did she die of AIDS?) and I have no fucking teeth and right now I am slurping some soft food through a straw in this Senior Citizens center. My point is that you need to cut through the bullshit and enjoy life NOW! It is NOW scumbags! Don't repeat my mistakes . . choosing the wrong people to marry... getting ripped off by cunts... Open your fucking eyes and enjoy the simple things and don't get caught up in the glitter. One day the glitter will turn to shit!

Love you all !

Al

Any old jew cunts out there?

I have eaten 7000 pussies in my lifetime. As publisher of SCREW, tahe availabiltiy of fresh (and rancid) pussy was like Chinese takeout. After a while, it all tastes the same.

With Linnea Quigley (see photos below) I gave up eating her pussy. I was bored with her labia, mons veneris, flappy lips, clitoris(es), wet gooey juicy pussy. I started eating her ssshole because it was new to me. Like a new flavor at Baskin Robbins. (I always need to compare my life to food - I am skinny on the outside, but on theinside I'm still a fat hungry Jew).

Her ass tasted like copper pennies. Don't knwo why, but it was a clean taste, a unique delicate taste.

Are there any old Jewish cunts out there who would like me to savor their ani (that's plural of "anus" for your fucking morons!) I heard that Brighton Beach is replete with available Russian Jews who love sex . . .It was the only thing that they could get for free and in the privacy of their homes during the Soviet days. If any of you cocksuckers hook me up with a hot Russian babe, I will blow you in Macy's window on a Tuesday afternoon.

Lastly, I am back on my feet and feeling much better now that I have been to the VA to see my shrink. He keeps me balanced with the right drugs and I feel better.

I am suing my fucking dentist who ripped me off and took thousands from me without providing me with the right teeth. He promised me the world and all I wound up with is a cheap set of choppers (straight out a gag shop . . the ones you wind up and they clack-clack- clack).

Until the next blog

FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK yOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

ps - My brilliant attorney, Charles, always fucking with me and playing jokes left this voice mail of me on my machine . . It is of me - he wanted me to hear how fucking insane I sound when I leave him messages!

ALAL%20GOLDSTEIN%2011.wav

One last thing before i sign off -

I am selling every piece of shit that I possess in order to be able to go to Nathan's in Coney Island and eat a fucking tube steak once in a while.

I have my original hand carved wood king's chair that was once the throne of power upon which Your Truly sat in (and farted into) for my reign at SCREW. Countless letters, photographs, dildos, books, dirty semen-stained underwear, and lots of other goodies for you scumbags!

Write to me at alvingoldstein@gmail.com and I will give you details (e.g., for fresh stained underwear it's a buck fifty extra...signed is an additional two bucks).

By the way, I have attached a photo of my last douchebag cunt Gypsy bitch wifewho robbed me of my last penny. That fat fuck hedgehog next to us is Ron Jeremy (whose dick is bigger than his brain! A fucking asshole who lost his affection for me after I hit rock bottom and homeless - - -Ron, you scumbag! FUCCCCCCKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUU!

Fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Al

When I was fat and happy

((BELUSHI...GARRETT MORRIS...AND ME))))

Two days ago, I thought I had a heart attack. I was taken to Jamaica Hospital (a cesspool that would shame a mange-ridden street rat if it were taken there). The doctors are actually professional and seem to have received their medical degrees from accredited schools, but the fucking place is a Dickensian nightmare. Old whores with sores, toothless crack heads in urine-soaked pants . . .people just like me!

They checked me out and discharged me. It seems as though I am suffering from an aversion to loneliness. I haven't gotten laid in over three years. I am broke. My cock sucking son stole from me and has abandoned me once again. My cunt wives took what they could grab (all 5 of them, especially the last Gypsy cunt who picked the flesh off me like a ravenous vulture). I am on 15 different medications, all of which cause me to be delusional, nauseous, and suicidal. I am too much of a wimp to kill myself. I am just waiting to die.

My lawyer, Charles, called me dozens of times upon my return from the Snake Pit. He thought I bit the dust. If it weren't for him, I would just evaporate. He cares about me and has resuscitated my life on a number of occasions. He gave me the number to get Food Stamps. He also told me that I should qualify for Section 8 housing (that's what they offer to those people in this country who are living just above the same standard of a Calcutta Untouchable)

Sometimes I jerk off and think about my days at Plato's - the days when Hugh Hefner had me in his Rolodex...and the nights when Garrett Morris of Saturday Night Live would pop in and stick his shvontz into 5-10 pussies a night - and that was BEFORE Viagra!)

One time Garrett took me to see Belushi. He was holed up in the Chelsea Hotel. He wouldn't leave until he ran out of that magic white powder was reduced to residue on a mirror. Personally, coke was not for me. Food was my drug. Pussy was my after-dinner drink.

Anyway, Belushi looked up at me:" Hey, Fuckin' Al, you fat fuck, let me fuck you in the ass! Hahhahahaha! Sit down and join me!" I had to comply (he was Belushi! a fucking charismatic, fat fuck just like me!) so I took a snort. As it sprayed into my nose, it backfired and I sneezed ! The entire mound of coke covered Belushi's pants, shirt, hands! He yelled "Al you fucking shmuck!" and then proceeded to snort the coke off his shirtsleeves, his hands, wiped it off his face and snorted it off his fingers! It was like a kid who dropped an ice cream on the street and ate it off the pavement!

I have attached a photo of me and Garrett Morris - - what a cock that guy had! Those were the good old days!

By the way, if anyone wants to rent out an old toothless Jew who has years of experience eating pussy and insulting jerkoffs, I am available for bachelor parties and bar mitzvahs. For $200 plus taxi ride, I will ROAST the groom (or the little schmekel whose father pays $500,000 for the biggest party of his life!)

Fu-c-c-c-c-c-c-k Yo-u-u-u-u-u-uu-u-u!!!!!

AL GOLDSTEIN

In my last life (when i was a fat Jew living the high life), Le Cirque restaurant was one of my favorite troughs. For those of you stupid, ill-bred jerkoffs, Le Cirque was a 5 Star Michelin restaurant frequented by the likes of Henry Kissinger, Jackie Onassis, Gay Talese, and other notables.

The owner, Ciro Maccioni,(a really classy Italian with a big prick and a pallate for young pussy) welcomed me 2 times per week. Plastic surgeons and Wall Street lawyers with fat wallets would beg for a table... Cirio would usher me past the hordes of phony scumbags pretending to be important. The snarls would echo throughout the room. "Al Fucking Goldstein! That fat scumbag got a table before me!?" Yes, of course I did! I had the power of pussy . . I was the Prince of Free Love! I mattered more than some prick who made millions on Wall Street! Those assholes had a tie shackled to their necks! Cirio appreciated me because I did not have to pretend to be somebody!

I never paid at "le Cirque." never... Cirio ALWAYS picked up the tab! A gentleman!

One story in particular I will always fondly recall about Cirio. The night before i was sentenced in the Brooklyn fiasco (the one in which I told my cunt secretary I was going to "..take her down" ) Cirio invited me and my lawyer, Charles DeStefano, to Le Cirque.

We were sat in a round booth (usually reserved for the Prince of Wales). I wore my snake skin vest, Cazal frame glasses, and flip flops. Walter Cronkite (seated to my left) scowled as I paraded into this elegant, opulent dining room. Charles (as usual dressed in a designer Italian suit and $500 tie) could not believe the fuss . . He whispered to me, "Al, you REALLY ARE a fucking prince!"

Cirio personally greeted us and hugged me. He really loved me - probably because I was a cunt magnet and he was an Italian with a big dick. "Al, I am a very worried abouta you. . .are you a really gonna go to the jail?!" Yes, I replied, but I had been arrested 27 times and beat every fucking case. And my lawyer here, Charles, is a fucking jurisprudential scholar and master in the courtroom.

He then turned to Charles (one suave dego to another) and said, "I wanta to give a you some a food to take to Al to a Rikers Island... Can a you bringa food in the jail?" Charles said that he would look into it (and later confessed that me might have to smuggle the meatballs up his ass!

I was probably the only prisoner in the history of the New York State Prison system that was eating "Le Cirque" take out. Not even Leon Helmsley's fucking dog could claim that!

Now I am eating green Nathan's franks that have rotted in my moldy refrigerator.

Al

My Savior, Penn Jillette

I have not been able to write this blog for some time. My fucking body has degenerated to a near corpse state. The couch has become part of my body. I ooze strange bodily fluids from various orifices (must be from all of that bad pussy i ate - maybe the rancid pussy of my ex-wives!) I ache from head to toe. My fucking teeth have fallen out, I have bed bug bites on my arms from an old couch in my living room. All I would like right now is to be pain free and to meet a nice Jewish cunt, in her 80's, who could keep me company all day while i watch CNN and the History Channel.

If it wasn't for Penn Jillette I would be erased entirely from public memory. Last month he met me in a Mexican restaurant - sort of "Weekend At Bernie's" starring Al Goldstein. I sat there and listened to Penn (a fearless intellectual who defies God to send him straight to hell upon his death!). The man is a fucking genius - his conversation runs from genetics to national politics to tango dancing (and his brain stores a plethora of information on all topics).

My lawyer, Charles DeStefano, brought me to Manhattan from my shit hole apartment in Ozone Park, Queens. Charles is my last living real friend. He cares about me. We are unlikely bedfellows. He is a handsome, articulate guinea WOP dego lawyer from Staten Island who could charm Hitler, Stalin, and Rasputin over cocktails. He is married with children, but he manages to make time for me. I would suck his dick, but his wife is Latina - she would hunt me down, split and quarter me, then spit on my rotting corpse. Charles is too masculine for me anyhow.

So, getting back to Penn. We sat at a long table straight out of the Friars Club. Gilbert Gottfried, "Ratso" Sloman, Jamie Gillis, Penn, Charles, and I sat for hours...it was like the old days, when I was in with the In Crowd. They all ate (since my gums are toothless, I drank a club soda and had some soup). I felt as though a taxidermist stuffed me and I was plopped into this group to be viewed as a relic from the past. All is needed was a fucking small metal plate on my head that read "Scumbagus Corpsus."

At hte end of the night, they shook my hand (I wished they had shaken my cock...although my prick hasn't had blood circulating in it since fucking Reagan was President). It was nice to see all of them. It resurrected me for a night.

Maybe I will get another free meal next month. (I'm sure it will not be from Gilbert - that cheap cocksucking faggot)

Until next week,

Al

Nice Rack

Me and the Ladies

I found these picks of me and some pussy while going through some old stuff.